Freshman Year: sHE beLIEveD & sHE's brOKen

16: "Hurting someone with the truth is better than making them...

“Hurting someone with the truth is better than making them happy with a lie”

Tuesday night Matt, Christian, Jen, Michael and I sat in the cafeteria, all our plates’ empty- even mine shockingly.

     “Okay so no one is leaving this table until a decision is made, because apparently there were miscommunications between you two. Vanna didn’t mean you guys couldn’t ever be friends, she just means that she would need time to get over it, and then you guys could be friends,” Jen explained to Michael.

     “There are five options. One- you two break up and go separate ways in life. Two- you break up and stay friends. Three- you stay together and work through it. Four- You stay together and can’t work through it. Five- you guys break up and Michael finds a new relationship,” Matt said, saying option five just to hurt me.

     “Look, I don’t like the last options. If I broke up with you, all I would be doing is punishing you for doing the right thing after doing something wrong. I’d be rewarding honesty with apathy. You cared enough about what he had to risk losing it all. I think we should stay together and work it out,” Michael said.

     “It’s your decision,” I replied obediently.

     In truth it was his decision because I didn’t have one to make. Of course I wanted to stay with him.

     “No it’s both your decisions. Is that okay Vanna?” Jen asked.

     “Yeah it’s fine. I agree I don’t want anything romantic right now anyways,” I replied unemotionally.

     “Okay, so now everything is good!” Jen said.

     Later that night Michael and I sat on the same bench and talked.

     “I don’t know. I just think we will know what we can and can’t do. It’s not like okay, this, this, and this is allowed and this can’t happen. We will just know,” Michael explained.

     “Yeah, I just, it’s confusing,” I said.

     “Look, break is coming up. After break I think enough time will have passed. We are going to be fine,” Michael said putting his arm around me as I leaned my head against his shoulder.

     That small act meant the world to me. His words didn’t make me feel like it was going to be okay, but that action did.

     Wednesday evening Michael and I were eating by ourselves until our friends came in and we joined them. I got a text from Matt saying, “Send this song to Michael. Hard to love- Lee Brice.”

     “Why?” I texted back.

     “That’s you,” Matt texted.

     I could feel myself getting scared and nauseous. Confused, I showed the text to Michael who shrugged.

     “I’m hard to love?” I texted back.

     “Just listen to it,” Matt texted.

     I looked up the lyrics and started reading them.

"Hard To Love" by Lee Brice

I am insensitive, I have a tendency

To pay more attention to the things that I need.

Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust,

Sometimes I don't know why you stay with me.