Freshman Year: sHE beLIEveD & sHE's brOKen

6: "Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called...."

“Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall.”

     That Wednesday I took Michael to my hideout, aka that coffee shop I mentioned a while back. Yeah, that place. He was the first person I brought there that was still going to college. Now, I really wasn’t sure about whether or not to bring him there. I mean it was my place to go to escape. And what if Michael ended up being some guy who betrayed me? I put that thought aside once he was in my presence.

     How could one think Michael would hurt you? He was so…innocent and shy. Like a little puppy really; an adorable harmless puppy. On the way to the hideout Michael kept asking where it was.

     “Be patient and you’ll find out,” I replied.

     Upon arriving downtown Michael looked around and couldn’t figure it out. I pointed out the coffee shop and we walked in. I got my croissant, and Michael got a wrap. We sat down near the door. We chatted for a bit, and I handed him my journal.

     One thing you should know is that I would die to keep my journals secret. All through out high school, this guy, who I liked, would try to get my journal each French class. It was infuriating at times. Especially the time he did get it. If he had opened it to the page before he would have known he was my crush. So I take keeping my journal a secret seriously.

     But I trusted Michael. As crazy as that may sound, the vibe Michael gave off was genuine and safe. It was nice to grab lunch in between classes. Especially when trying to make a new friend. He knew about everything that happened last quarter with Carter, and said that Carter was a douche. I also played two of the songs I had written in high school for Michael. Yes, they were ones about my crushes in high school. Yes, I was trying to hint that I was interested. The only reason I did that was because I figured he would be too dense to actually think I was interested. Give the information out, and leave it open ended, with the ball in his court.

     That night I got to see Michael again. Clara and I were eating dinner and ran into him. He said he would drop by later to maybe watch a show I thought he would enjoy. And he did! We watched the first episode of this supernatural show that most people loved.

     “Okay, I’m hooked. That is an amazing show,” Michael smiled.

     “Isn’t it? I’m already at the end of season one, but I don’t mind re-watching some episodes,” I replied.

    

The next day I had dramatic writing. There was a girl in my class, Jen, who I met during fall quarter but didn’t really hang out with much until now. But she knew Matt, who was Michael’s best friend.

     “Michael got excited when Matt said that you wouldn’t stop talking about him, so he probably likes you,” she whispered.

     “No? Really? No. Wait! Does he think I like him? Oh god please tell me no!”

     “Yeah, I would say he knows you like him,” Jen stated.

     “Oh god. I can never see him again. Fuck, damn. But wait, you said he was excited? So he might like me?” I asked apprehensively.

     “God, yes. I think he likes you,” Jen said as the teacher came in.

     I was excited and terrified. Michael knew I liked him. That scared me. But Jen said that Michael liked me…or thought he did. So maybe it’s okay… but in my head it wasn’t okay. It meant I was vulnerable. Exposed and ready to be hurt.