My Birthday Promise (Editing)

The Sexy Sexist

Aman

When I was a kid I've had several crushes like any normal boy, but girls never took me seriously. I was good looking and geeky, and when I talked to most girls, they complained I was boring, less interesting, and, basically, a wuss. I wanted to feel loved but I was rejected whenever I shared my feelings with popular girls in school. This happened almost every time in different forms. Different forms like friend-zoned after an extended period of time, being turned away because of another seemingly better guy, or losing attraction mid-date constantly. It left me feeling worthless. This feeling amplified even further when I saw these girl falling head-over-heels for the bad boys of my class.

Until college I thought the reply to "I love you" was "Oh crap!" I was handling rejections after rejections while bad boys were surrounded by pretty girls. As for me, rejection was my only girlfriend throughout school.

I often wondered why these pretty girls seemed so attracted to these crude bad boys; the boys that obviously had little respect for them and often cheated on them. I didn't knew why bad boys attracted hot girls. Only thing I could think of was that they seek a strong, masculine man in their life. Isn't it? Bad boys share a lot of the same traits. These boys possessed all signs of a misogynist; they were cocky, selfish and self centered, but still they oozed out ample charm to woo all the chicks they laid their eyes on.

I learned it the hard way that love doesn't exist. As silly as it sounds, I believed it and I accepted it. I decided instead of wasting my time in crushing over girls I'll utilized my time in turning myself into one of those masculine guys girls go after. I started working out, it was a little bit hard at the beginning, and then after a few weeks I could see the change. After months of continuous work out I transformed into a masculine guy.

I was getting noticed; a lot of pretty girls who earlier laughed at me were paying a lot of attention to me. It felt amazing to garner attention of pretty girls but I was still not ready for my revenge. I went to pubs and night clubs to learn the art of picking girls. I noticed a decent percentage of the girls at the clubs were open to going home with you if you knew what you were doing. I watched men do nothing and go home with the girl. It was clear to me that attraction was not about what we all think. It's about who we are and how we come across. Another thing I learned was assume she is attracted to you. If you assume that girls are attracted to you, your actions will be bolder, more confident, and more attractive.

Boosted by the newly acquired wisdom I zeroed-in on my first crush, Mahek, and choose her as my target. I first saw her when I was in 12 years old. She had beautiful short hair and beautiful lips. I would catch a fire every time I looked in her eyes and still have the scars to prove it. She had a beautiful smile that used to make me go crazy. Her voice was sexy. She was without doubt the best looking girl around. We were best of friends and I loved every moment I spent with her. I suffered from crippling approach anxiety and was too scared to express my feelings to her. A year later on my birthday I mustered all the courage and told her that I loved her. She laughed out loud and told me she had a boyfriend. About a month later while we were talking she confessed 'she thinks she loves me'. So, she suggested that we should kiss to see if her feelings were true. My first kiss was amazing and she also said it took her breath away but chose to take one day to think about it. When she didn't reply for days I called her and she's all like 'Oh no I don't love you I only thought I did.' I was mad because it felt like she was playing with my emotions. I remained friends with her as I was still in love with her. Few weeks since the kiss thing while we were talking I confessed I still loved her. She laughed it off again. I sat there dazed and confused, and eventually we get to the point where she said 'I think I love you too'. One week later I caught her kissing her earlier boyfriend. She was like 'I don't know. I am so confused between you two but I want to go back out with you because I don't want to risk hurting you'. All my friends that I talked to about this told me she was just playing me and her boyfriend for a fool. I went into a horrible depression and cried because we would end up fighting whenever I would try to talk to her. Finally she dumped me again few weeks later. I never talked to her again.

I approached Mahek after following her to the club. My crippling approach anxiety was no more present and I felt super confident in front of her as there was no fear of rejection. It was surprising to know that with little efforts I was able to walk home with her. I unconsciously felt good after nailing her, as if it was the much needed closure, which made me want to do this with all my crushes that rejected me. Next thing I knew I was preparing a list of all the girls who turned me down.

I targeted them one by one according to my list. Wooing most of the past crushes was like a piece of cake for me but a few of them were like a hard nut to crack. But I didn't give up and I completed my list in four months. I continued my run and picked every girl who stumbled on my way. With time I became the master of the trade.

Things were completely different now. I no longer craved for one night stands with girls I met. In fact since I started dating Alisha I didn't sleep with any girl. This was so not me but I was happy. I was not sure it was love but lately she was all I thought about. My feelings for Alisha were going strong day by day. Every time I was with her, my heart raced, and my whole chest physically hurt, and it almost felt like my body was being electrified. When she's not around, I felt kind of sad, but when I thought of her I smiled every time. I had never felt anything like this since long but I knew what crushes and lust was and I knew the difference. Sometimes it's hard to know if the butterflies you get every time they're nearby means you really like or love them, or if it's just because you've built them up so much in your head. This was surely not lust. At least, I didn't think it was lust. Love was the only option left.

Is this love? I couldn't believe I was asking myself this question. When I reached college I convinced myself that love doesn't exist. As silly as it sounds; but I was convinced.

After the kiss in the lift I no longer wanted to believe there is no love. If this feeling is love than I am surely in love; in love with the most beautiful face on the face of the earth.

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A/N:

This is not so much an author's note as an author's reminder for you to vote.

Anyway vote if you want to, comment if you have to, and share if you need to :P

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