i would not only like to thank god but I have a good feeling liz had something to do with this picture
I can't fucking sleep.
I can't stop tossing and turning. Everything I'm doing is so fucked up.
How can I be so stupid to do this? This is serious. God, I'm such a heartless bitch. I am deliberately hurting another girl. That breaks every rule in girl code, even though I don't even know her.
But every time I think about how I can't do this, I think of Ashton. I think of his smile, of his laugh. The way he makes me feel like a herd 20 puppies are drowning me in love and kisses whenever I see him. The way his lips feel against mine. I love Ashton so much, there is no denying that, but do I love him enough to do this?
Its scary to think that I really do. I really really do.
All I can do is pray that he breaks up with her soon.
But there is a small part of me that is excited. Its small, but its there.
This is a bad thing to do, believe me that I know, its just the action of sneaking around with Ashton is indescribable. Thrilling. Exhilarating. Intoxicating.
But I feel awful for lying to Grace. I want to tell her so badly, she would know what to say to me. But the thing is, I'm afraid to know what she's going to say.
I'm so ashamed to tell her too, and I know she wouldn't approve of it. God. she'd probably get so mad at me for being so irresponsible. I wouldn't blame her.
I roll on my back, and sigh loudly, running my hands through my hair, before bring them down to my sides roughly and staring at the ceiling.
I stay like that for a few moments, before pulling the covers off of me and getting up. I look over at my clock and see its 1:24 in the morning. Great.
I trudge out of my dark room and go down the stairs of our loft, going into the kitchen and getting some water.
When I leave the kitchen I see Grace sitting on the couch, a cup in her hand.
I sigh, before walking over and sitting on the other side.
"Can't sleep?" I ask, and she shakes her head, looking down at her cup.
"Why?"
She sighs, "I'm over thinking the past."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know," she take a sip from her cup, "It's just, seeing Cooney again today really shook me up. Like looking at him, and then hearing Michael's voice behind me, I don't know, all I kept seeing was when Michael would beat up Cooney, the car accident, just everything crept back in my mind and I haven't been able to shake it." she shakes her head.
I stay silent, because honestly I didn't think about that. I was so caught up in my own problems with Ashton that I didn't realize that Grace was most likely having a hard time digesting seeing Cooney again. That prick put her through so much two years ago, I don't even know how I would react if I was in her shoes.
I also silently think that her feelings for Michael are coming back, but I don't think she knows it yet.
I know Grace, and she really loved Michael. And she hasn't noticed but she was so distant from Luke tonight. I really hope that he didn't notice either, even though I'm pretty sure he did.
"It's okay to think back to those times, Grace," I reassure her, "It was undoubtedly the most eventful, and maybe the most important year of out lives so far."
