I knew that it was time, and as much as I didn't want to do it, I had too. It was the only realistic option. I have to do it.
So I pick up my phone, tears already running down my face and I haven't even unlocked it yet. Fuck, I don't want to do this. I want everything to be okay. I want it to all work out, and not worry about anything. I want it to be like it used to be.
But it can't.
I take a deep breath and unlock my phone, wiping away my tears and hitting his contact, my face showing on the screen as the facetime call rings.
His beautiful face pops up on my phone now, my red and blotching one going small in the corner. His face was pure happiness for a split second, until he saw my look of distress, and his goes to worry, and sadness. He knows what this call is.
"Catherine, babe, what's wrong?"
"Ashton," as the word comes out, new tears replace the old, and I'm forced to not say another word as I choke back a sob.
"Baby, come on, you're alright, just tell me what's wrong," he voice is nothing but loving and calm.
"I can't do this anymore," I let out the sob that was stuck in my throat, and his face goes ghostly white.
"Can't do what anymore?" I can't bring myself to look at him, or even say another word, so he speaks up, "Baby, please. Please, what's wrong?"
"Ashton," I take a deep, shaky breath, "Th-This isn't- This isn't working."
"Baby," He pleads, "Baby please."
"I'm sorry, Ashton," I let out a cry, "You-You have so much potential, and you're going to go so far. You don't need to have to worry about your girlfriend across the coun-country," I stutter pathetically.
"NO," he protests, "Catherine you're not holding me back, Cat please, please-"
"Ash we never speak anymore," I sigh, controlling my breathing a bit, "We text every once in a while and this is the first time I've seen your face in weeks."
"I'll come to you," he says, "I mean it, I'll hop on a plane tonight-" he stops himself, looking down, "Fuck, I have practice tonight," he mutters, before looking back up at me, "I'll get a ticket for right after, and I will with you by the morning, yeah, that'll work-"
"Ashton, don't be ridiculous," I shake my head, "You can't fly across the country - for what, a day? You can't miss practice, and I don't want you too. You need to focus on your career right now, and I can't help but feel in the way of that."
"Catherine, you're not in the-"
"Ashton," I repeat, he stops talking. We just sit there in silence for a while, before he speaks up again, "I love you, Catherine."
"I love you, too," I sigh, tears starting to run down my cheeks again, "I'm proud of you Ashton, I'm proud of everything you accomplished and I'll always be cheering you on, okay?"
"Catherine," his voice trails off as he looks down, wiping the tears that have fallen onto his own cheeks, "I'm so sorry I couldn't do better for you."
I look down, "I'm sorry I couldn't do better too," I sniff. I look up at the screen one last time, taking in his face, before saying, "Goodbye Ash," and ending the call.
*
I stir awake, opening my eyes slowly, the bright lights of the damn hospital blinding me. I take a second to adjust, before looking up at the person who I fell asleep on.
