here we go lukey boy im so sorry
People say that the hardest thing that could happen to you is loosing someone close to you. Them dying mostly.
But I think its watching someone slip from you. Watching them slowly slip by right between your fingers and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
I thought I finally had it all. I'm getting the education I need to succeed in life. I will get a job that will make me good money. Good money that will be crucial for the family that I will have. I have the girl I had a huge crush on in high school, even though I never really admitted it. She is the perfect girl. The perfect girl that I would start that family with one day.
I love her. I know I love her even though I never told her. But she doesn't love me. As much as I want to just be blind and believe everything she says to me, I know she will never love me. She loves Michael. She will always love Michael.
But I don't think she knows that. She doesn't know that she doesn't love me, because she knows she shouldn't love Michael.
As much as I want to get mad at her, call her a liar, I know I can't because she's not. God, she is anything but.
I thought it was just in my head, I told myself it was in my head. But then when Cat woke up and Grace froze up, I couldn't get any words out. I didn't know what to say. I always know what to say.
But of course Michael did. He knew exactly what to say. The look in Grace's eyes as he talked was what told me. The way she looked at him told me that it wasn't just in my head.
It's like I want her to lie to me. Just lie to me about everything. I want her to lie and tell me she feels the same way about me. I want her to lie and tell me she's over him. I want her to lie to me to me. But I guess she already is, she just doesn't realize it.
I want to do stupid stuff with her. I want to print our hands in the pavement and be extreme tourists around Seattle. But she doesn't want that with me.
I look over at her in my passenger seat, her eyes trained out the window in silence as we pull up into her apartment building.
I stop the car, getting out and running my hands through my hair.
When I round the car to get to her side, I instinctively connect our hands.
Her hand takes mine hesitantly, and I feel my growing doubts and insecurities rise.
We get up to her apartment in silence, the door closing softly behind us.
She falls on the couch in a huff and I follow, sitting next to her.
"I feel like I should be relieved that she's awake," she says quietly, "But I'm just scared about how she'll be now. What if she's not the same?"
She maneuvers herself so that her head is in my lap and I smile softly, playing with the ends of her hair.
"I think it'll take time," I say, "I don't think she'll be back to her perky, sarcastic self right away. She went through a really tough situation, and now she's going to find out that Calum is going to Iraq?" I sigh, "It'll be really hard on her. But I think she'll pull through it, she's a strong girl."
"Yeah," She shrugs, before looking up at me, "I'm just worried, is all."
"I know," I lean down and kiss her lips softly, trying to savor everything, "I love you, Grace."
I feel my own jaw clench at the words that slipped from my mouth, before her eyes widen as she looks up from me in her lap.
"I love you too."
I sigh in defeat, shaking my head, running my hand over my eyes, "God, I don't know how, but you make it sound so sweet when you lie to me."
Her eyebrows furrow as she sits up, looking over to me, "What?"
"You don't even realize it," I shake my head, not looking at her, "You don't even realize that the person you love isn't me."
"Luke," she shakes her head, her eyes already watering, "No, you're wrong. I do love you."
"I bet you do," I reassure her, "But not in the way you love him."
"I don't love him anymore, Luke, please. You have to believe me."
"You know how I know that you love him?" I say, and she stays quiet, looking at me with big, teary green eyes.
"It's because the way you look at him, is the way Cat and Ash look at each other. It's the way Calum used to look at Ronnie." I gulp, rubbing my lips together, "It's the way I look at you."
She looks down, tears falling from her eyes and onto her hands.
"I knew this was happening," I shake my head, also looking down, "I savored all your words and never wasted one because I knew it was going to happen."
"I can get over it," she confesses, looking up at me, "Luke, just give me a little time, and I'll get over it. I want to be with you."
"You had two years to get over it, Grace," I stand up, "If you didn't get over it then, than you won't be getting over it now."
She stands up too and takes my arm as I'm about to walk away, tears streaming from her eyes. I almost look away because seeing her like this breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. Also, if I look at her for much longer, I'm going to start to cry.
"Luke," she cries, and I sigh deeply.
I bring my hand up to caress her cheek, before bringing my face to hers and pressing my lips to hers.
I close my eyes and savor the feeling one last time, before I pull away and drop my hand from her face.
I walk over to the door with my head hung low as I open it, before her voice stops me.
"So this is it? You're just going to break us up?"
I look back at her. Her fame hunched slightly as she stands there with her mascara running down her face.
"I think we were already broken."
vapor
