Cat is knocked out. I think she just needed to hear the words, 'Calum is alive'. She needed sleep, and once she heard those words, she fell asleep in Ashton's lap like a child who just drank some warm milk.
Calum's family is with him right now, but none of us are planning on leaving yet. I certainly am not. Luke and Ronnie are sitting in chairs on the other side of the room talking. Probably about how much of a bitch I am that I told Cat Michael and I are planning on getting married. Or just about how Michael and I are planning on getting married.
I have to talk to Luke. I have to let him know how sorry I am. I can't stop thinking about him. I hurt him. I can't believe how badly I must be hurting him. We broke up because he was certain I still loved Michael, and I did everything in my power to prove to him that I wasn't. And then here I am, months later engaged to the guy. I am a horrible, horrible human being.
Ronnie must think that too. I have no idea what her and Luke have right now, but I hope it's something real. He's gone through so much shit, between me being, as stated before, a horrible human being, and Dylan just cheating on him like it was nothing after they dated for over a year. He deserves so much more. He is such a good person, who's trying to get somewhere in life, and all we, well I, have been to him is shitty. I hope that whatever is between him and Ronnie will last, and that they'll make each other happy.
I act like they are even together. I have no idea if they are. There have been no real signs of it, except for them going out a lot and talking. But they really could just be good friends, like Calum and Cat. I guess I am just hoping he can be happy. I just want him happy.
And then there's Michael. Fuck.
There is something in Michael that's in me. Believe me, I know my life would be so much easier, and more stable honestly, if I were to be with Luke. I would be supported, I would end up having a beautiful family, and they would have an amazing life with an amazing dad. But I know that while I would be taking Luke and my kids to school, I would be thinking 'What if?'
What if I gave Michael a second chance? What if Luke didn't take my word that there was nothing between Michael and I anymore? What if Michael and I got married? What if Michael and I had kids? Would my life be different for the better, or the worse? What if I chose Michael.
And I did. Because now, I don't have any 'What ifs'. I know what my life with Luke would be. Stable. Average. Boring. And although Luke isn't a boring person, and I do love him, I can't stand the thought of having a predictable life. It's not for me.
I look over to Michael, who is resting his head against the wall, snoring slightly. I take his hand in mine, making him jeer awake. He looks at me with a small smile on his face, bringing me into his side, pressing his lips against my head. I close my eyes, pure warmth filling my chest.
"I love you." I say, and he looks down at me, "I love you too, Grace. So much."
I look over to Cat and Ash. Is she right? Are we too young to get married? Am I just being blind and naive? What the fuck am I even doing?
"You know," he says, and I look up at him, "We don't have to get married right away."
I furrow my eyebrows at him, "Plenty of people stay engaged for a few years, and I don't mind doing that. Just saying that Grace Macs is my beautiful fiancée makes me the luckiest man in the world."
My eyes tear up and I get up, sitting in the seat his in on his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck into a tight hug, "I love you so much." I tell him again.
"I love you," He says again, "This will work out better anyway, I'll be able to get you a ring you deserve, and actually propose to you."
"You don't have to do that, Michael," I say, pulling away so I can look at him, "I don't need a big extravagant proposal."
"I know," he smiles, "I guess you'll just wait and see." He winks.
I lean up and kiss him quickly, before getting myself comfortable in his lap and resting my head on his chest while he wraps his arms around me, leaning his own head against mine.
*
It's been probably around an hour, and I feel a lot better about the whole engaged route we decided to go down. I know that it will make all of our lives easier and that once we are a few years older, and more stable financially and all that shit. It makes me excited for the future.
But there is one thing I have to do. Luke. I look over and see Luke across the room on his phone, and then I look over to Ronnie who is a few seats down from Michael and I fast asleep.
"Michael," I say gently, his arms still wrapped tightly around me. He looks down at me with a hum, "I'm going to go talk to Luke for a few minutes."
He nods with a yawn, letting me go. I stand up, leaning down and kissing his forehead, "Get some sleep, babe." He nods, leaning his head against the wall he was previously leaning on, closing his eyes.
I smile slightly at him, before turning around and looking back at Luke who is still on his phone. I take a deep breath and walk over there, sitting down next to him. He looks up to me, and locks his phone putting it in his back pocket.
"Hey," I sigh, and he leans back in his seat, still looking at me, "Hey."
"How are you doing?" I ask him, and he shrugs, "Been better, been worse."
I nod, before shaking my head and cutting to the chase, "Listen, Luke," He looks at me, waiting for me to bring up the elephant in the room.
"I wanted to tell you first, I did, I don't know why I blurted it out to Cat, it was the stupidest thing I could of done," He looks down, biting the inside of his cheek, something that he does a lot when he is nervous, "I know I am a shitty person, I really don't have anything to say to defend myself. I don't want to defend myself."
"Grace," he shakes his head, and I cut him off, "No, Luke, I am so sorry, I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon-"
"Grace," he repeats, and I don't cut him off again, letting him speak.
"I don't want you to be sorry," I shouldn't be surprised by his kindness, but I am. "I don't think you're a bad person."
I sit there shocked, how the hell does he always see the good in me? He can obviously see my surprise, so he keeps talking, "When we broke up, I knew that there was nothing that I could do that would get you to love me like you love Michael."
My heart breaks, fuck.
"But I knew that you would deny it until we were old and grey, but I didn't want you to have to do that. I knew that you wouldn't pursue him if he were to come and express his undying love for you," I keep my mouth shut, because he did, but he is right, I did deny him, "Because you wouldn't hurt me, not on purpose anyway. I knew that at the end of the day, we weren't meant to be. And it really sucks, because I really do love you Grace, but I'll be fine. I'll find someone."
I see his eyes for a second flicker to Ronnie, so subtly and so quick that I'm pretty sure he didn't even realize he did it. So I look over to Ronnie, and his face turns bright red. I smile, "You're amazing, Luke. Don't be afraid to make the first move." I stand up, leaning down and kissing the top of his head, before walking back over to Michael, sitting next to him and grabbing his hand again, making him move over so were leaning on each other. I close my eyes and drift to sleep.
