I don't even know how long I have been standing outside of the hospital for. Ashton isn't saying anything, which honestly I am grateful for. He's just standing there next to me, his arm around me.
I hear the sliding doors open behind me, but I don't look to see who it is. Ashton's grip on me loosens before he kisses the top of my head, before walking away. I don't need to look to know it's Grace.
"I shouldn't of brought it up like that," she says quietly, and I scoff.
"Listen, maybe this is a bad idea, half the choices I make and Michael make are bad ones," she says softly, "But when he asked, I felt like nothing else mattered. That he came back to me for a reason. I saw myself in a future that had a little boy and girl running around with him in our backyard. I love him, Cat."
I sigh, looking at her, "This was the wrong time to bring it up, Grace," I say, "But I'm sorry I took it out on you like that. I want to be happy for you guys, really I do, but I have to focus on Calum right now."
"I know," she says, bringing me into a hug. I grip onto her tightly, feeling tears I didn't even know I had left fill my eyes again, "I know."
"What will I do if he's gone," I say quietly in her neck, "I can't imagine a life without him, can you?"
"No," I feel her shake her head, "No I can't."
"But we have to stay positive," she says, pulling away from me, holding me out at arms length, "You know that's what Calum wants of us right now."
She's right. If Calum saw that we were all here, together, right now, he would - well probably make an inappropriate joke or two - but would also just want us to all be happy and enjoy each other's company.
"Let's go inside," I sniff, and she smiles at me. We walk in together and Ashton smiles when he sees us.
"You guys could literally work out anything, huh?" Michael smiles slightly.
Grace shrugs, "That's what sisters do, I guess."
I let out a small smile, looking over to Mali, "Have you heard anything?"
"No, nothing. And if I hear this goddamn nurse tell me one more time that 'No news is good news', the only news she'll be seeing is my hand across her face."
I let out a light laugh, before walking back over to wear I was sitting before, slumping into the seat.
Ronnie walks over to me, sitting down.
It takes a lot for me to look at her, because of what she did to Calum. Maybe it's an unpopular opinion but I think what she did was very very selfish. Calum needed her. He finally decided that he wasn't happy with the road he was taking and wanted to better himself. He decided that doing this was going to be his best bet, and she just up and left. I get that she has had bad experiences with the military, believe me I do. I can't even imagine losing a sibling. But it was to make Calum feel better about himself and make a better life for himself, doesn't everyone deserve that?
"Listen, Cat," she says to me, and I don't bother to look up at her, "I know you hate me for what I did to Calum, and I get that. But I just want to personally apologize, not for what I did to Calum, because I plan on telling him that myself when he wakes up," wishful thinking, my friend, "But for how I left it with the group. I didn't let anyone know what I was doing, I just left. And that wasn't right. But I hope after all this clears up that we can maybe try to get back to how things were. I know it won't be just like old times, that's naive to think, but maybe we can try something?"
"Yeah we can try," I surprise myself by saying, "We missed you, Ron."
"I missed you guys too."
*
It's been about three hours or so since everything with Grace and Ronnie cleared up, and honestly, I am exhausted. My head hurts, my butt is killing me from these chairs, and I just want to take a long hot shower and forget about life for a while.
But Calum is still in surgery. And we still haven't heard anything from these nurses. His mom looks like a wreck. She just had a constant flow of tears coming out of her eyes even though she's not necessarily crying, if that makes sense. I can feel the sadness radiating off of her.
Everyone really seems to be asleep, laying on each other in uncomfortable positions. Expect me. I am afraid to sleep now. I feel like I am past the point of feeling tired and to the point where I am so exhausted that my body is just fueling me this energy that doesn't belong to me.
I finally feel myself dosing off when I see a doctor that was with Calum when he was rolled in here walking up to us. I get up quickly, waking up Ashton who was leaning on me.
He jumps up with me and wakes up everyone else and the doctor talks to us.
"He is out, but I will warn you now, he has a lot of damage. He almost lost a leg, but I was able to repair it. He also lost a lot of blood so it's going to take some time for him to be strong again. PTSD will probably be really traumatic for a while, which isn't something I usually warn families about, but after seeing his injuries, I know he must of been through a great ordeal-
"He's alive?" I interrupt him.
He smiles at me, before looking at Calum's parents, "Yes, Calum is alive."
***
omg
hey
okay so hear me out
if anyone still has this in their library, hey, it's ur girl erin
ik ik i said that i wasn't updating this and it's been probably close to a year but hey here i am
i don't want to say i'm back but i think i may update this here and there solely bc i missed writing these characters
if ur still reading this hey i doubt people will but that's okay i just enjoy writing this
also enjoy that picture of luke
ok bye love u
