Mindscape

Life of Leaving Home

Okay, Yellowcard is my favorite band in the world. I'm listening to them right now. They are the genius masterminds behind my favorite song, Life of Leaving Home. I just want to share my many feelings about this particular song. I'm kind of going to break down my song feelings by stanza, and save the chorus for the very end.

I can see all the footsteps left behind
Every second I gave
Every song was a snapshot of my life
I needed something to say

So, this pretty much describes my life up to this point. I remember most of my life pretty well, considering that I moved around a lot, and music has always been a big part of it. Music was always a form of comfort to me, it was something that I could get lost in, and forget all my troubles, and I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't been so influenced by music.

Started out in the last slow motion scene
Watching everyone change
Made a map of a one-way road from here
Had no reason to stay

Throughout my life, I've stayed pretty much the same. I have the same sense of self that I had when I was a child. I'm still shy and quiet, I still like the same things, still dislike the same things, have the same moral code, the same set of values and everything. I feel like everyone changed around me, and sort of left me behind. And being left behind by everyone means I have nothing keeping me where I'm at. I had no reason to not go out into the world.

I am awake and alive
There is something calling me
More than a moment in time
It's a dream I'm following
On my own
More than a moment in time
It's a life of leaving home

Chorus. Gonna wait until the end to do this one.

Think of me when the stars come out tonight
Take a look at the sky
Never said that I could burn out that bright
But I needed to try

I never felt like I would make an impact on anyone or anything in my life. I feel like I'll just be some distant memory that comes to mind every once in a while. I'll probably never be really important or make a huge contribution to society, but I know that I have to try my best at everything I do.

My favorite star in the night sky is Bellatrix, which is located in the constellation Orion, as his right shoulder. I think it's very fitting because my brother's favorite star is Betelgeuse, which is Orion's left shoulder. Betelgeuse is bigger and brighter and more well known, just like my brother, while Bellatrix is smaller and dimmer and not as well known, like me. I always thought this was appropriate; my brother always burned bright for others to see and I always just faded into the background. I just always thought about that when I listen to this part of the song.

I am awake and alive
There is something calling me
More than a moment in time
It's a dream I'm following
On my own
More than a moment in time
It's a life of leaving home

More chorus.

The day that I found my voice
I knew that I had no choice
The only way I'd ever learn to love
Is if I found it
On my own

Honestly, I don't think I've found my voice yet. I believe that there comes a moment in everyone's life that they find their voice, their presence so to speak, but I haven't had that moment yet. I've always felt like I was going through life on my own, and that it would always be like that. I feel like I have to figure everything out without help, because that's the only way I'll learn to live.

I am awake and alive
There is something calling me
More than a moment in time
It's a dream I'm following
On my own
More than a moment in time
It's a life of leaving home

More than a moment in time
It's a life of leaving home

So, chorus time. This is going to be a long one. For most of my life I felt like I was just going through the motions. I had no idea what I was going to do in the distant future, or even the next day. Looking back, it seemed like I was living in a fantasy, and that instead of going through life, everything would just end suddenly. But I know that I have to live my life now, and not just expect it to putter out into nothing. I always felt I was meant to be doing something though. There was some pull, some urge that I couldn't figure out. It's still there to be honest.

Home is different to me. My dad was active military up until I was 11, so we moved around a lot. I've lived in 7 different places in my life, and none of them for very long. So home was never really a physical place for me. Home is more like a feeling. To me, home is my comfort zone. If I'm uncomfortable but I can't go someplace else out of whatever situation I'm in, then I sort of retreat into myself. I've done it my whole life, and I think I'll probably end up doing it for the rest of my life from now. But in order to live, I'll have to leave my comfort zone, my home, and it won't just be for a little while, it'll be for the rest of my existence. More than a moment in time, it's a life of leaving home.

So yeah, that's it. My favorite song and all the feels it gives me. Hope it's not too hard to understand my rambling. Peace out! ✌