Mindscape

Whoa there Anxiety

Okay, be calm, be cool, you can do this. Be calm. Be cool. Be calm, be cool. Be calm be cool be calm be cool becalmbecoolbecalmbecool.

This became the ritual chant to ward the anxiety away. For the most part it worked. Of course, there were those days where the tears and the rapid heartbeat and the shaking and the frozen joints and inability to speak came. But those days were mercifully few and far between.

It all comes down to practice. Lots and lots of practice of self control. If there is enough self control, then there are very few signs of a mild anxiety attack. Only the closest of friend and family would be able to tell, not the multitude of strangers encountered every day. The big ones are visible for the whole world to see.

During those extreme, manic anxiety attacks, the only thing to do is run away. Run away and hide in a dark room. Watching TV or reading, doing something distracting helps. Anything that drowns out all the voices inside. The voices that say, "Failure. Freak. Loser. Everyone is looking at you, judging you, and no one likes what they see."

Talking helps, but then comes that extra anxiety that whoever hears about those troubles will judge, or even tell others about them. Finding someone to trust can be one of the most difficult things of all. Sometimes there is no one to trust, and all the feelings must be bottle up inside, never to see the light of day.

Although the severe anxiety attacks are worse, the mild attacks are just as bad in their own way. The incessant choking feeling, the surge of tears, the inability to speak. And especially, the overwhelming need to keep it all inside, and to never let anyone see that something is wrong. These are the attacks that happen most often in public, when escape is virtually impossible. And sometimes, the situation just gets worse, and there is nothing to do but put on a normal face and say, "Whoa there Anxiety."

So hey, sorry for that thing right there. This was inspired by my own experience with anxiety (I actually wrote most of it during two separate attacks at work). Anxiety is something I've dealt with for most of my life, so I almost have it down to a science at this point.

I know there aren't a lot of people who read this, but anyone who does, if you ever, ever need to talk about anything at all, please message me!!! I might not always answer immediately because I'm at work for most of the day, but I promise I will respond as soon as I possibly can. Please come to me for anything. You are not alone in this world.