Mindscape

Con Air

So like a true Homestuck loving loser, I'm watching freaking Con Air. Here's my thoughts.

• Nick Cage having a country accent is weird
• Nick Cage with long hair is strange
• Nick Cage killed that dude in self defense why tf is he going to jail
• I'm just gonna refer to him as NC because writing the whole thing out is tedious. Also, at this point he's just NC starring as himself in movies so I keep forgetting that he's a character and I keep forgetting this specific character's name. Wait they just said it's Cameron Poe.
• Larkin seems like a cool dude. He's smarter that this DEA douchebag
• Transporting a whole bunch of Super Evil Prisoners together on one plane and just patting them down instead of doing a metal detector or something is absolutely ludicrous.
• GET THIS MAN HIS INSULIN FUCK DONT STEP ON IT
• lmao they said the movie title
• When is DEA ever smart in any show? I watch a lot of cop shows and I don't recall a time when they actually contributed. Also the guy that gave him the gun (the douchebag) is a moron and I don't like him.
• lmao they censored fuck with fried
• they're trying to find some guys to replace the dead ones that are supposed to be getting out and how the heck is that gonna work if they guards know what they look like?
• oh wait they're putting bags on their heads.
• there's a creepy Hannibal lector lookin guy coming on the plane now and the prisoner leaders put him in the solitary cage like good call this dude looks like worse news than you guys.
• hell yeah my boy Larkin figured out the bad guy plan and I'm gonna call it right now and say he doesn't tell them in time to stop the plane from taking off
• oooooo NC gave them a hint and now the guys are trying to stop the plane
• well that didn't pan out
• fuck they're letting Hannibal out
• oh my fuckin god it's Steve Buscemi he's the murderer
• hell yeah my boy larkin figured out NC is a good guy
• dead man falling from the sky how unfortunate for him but NC wrote a note for my boy Larkin on his shirt how smart
• Steve Buscemi is surprisingly insightful but tbh that makes the character he's playing even scarier
• heeeey halfway done
• fucking douchebag isn't listening to my boy larkin so Larkin stole his car to get to where the bad guys are landing
• oh shit NC is fighting a bad guy
• yeah no Steve Buscemi is just creepy now. Chill for a guy that murdered 30 people, but still absolutely creepy and I hope he's just here for words and not for actions
• man this bad guy pilot sucks at landing
• douchebag keeps putting down my boy Larkin so I need him to shut up since he's the one that keeps getting everything wrong. What did I say about the DEA in media?
• if they think they can pull that plane out of the dirt they freaking stupid
• STEVE BUSCEMI NO
• oh shit now there's fire
• fuck no it's a trap
• how the hell do they not smell the butane???
• NC out here running to get his friend a needle for his insulin, what a bro
• but also please hurry to save the lady prison guard yup he got there in time
• god damnit Steve Buscemi
• of course douchebag tries to shoot the pilot through the windshield made to withstand hitting eight pound birds while going over 200 mph instead of shooting the tires on the landing gear
• and of course they got away again
• oh thank god Steve Buscemi did not do the thing I thought he did
• craaaaaap the bad guys know NC is a good guy
• noooooooo not the friend!
• NC just got shot and didn't even flinch that's too unrealistic
• oh my god douchebag did a good thing for once
• yeah now to crash land the plane on the Las Vegas strip
• the airplane no longer has wings
• the last thing you want to do is threaten NC's family bad guy now he's gonna kick your butt
• unless the plane crash interrupts him, then he'll just team up with Larkin and chase you down on motorcycles
• this is just getting convoluted, they're fighting on top of a moving fire truck
• lmao larkin just flooded the cabin of the truck
• Okay everything worked out, bad guy dead, money is raining down from the sky, and here's the part we see in Homestuck, the reunion, and it's still just as awkward  and I still don't see why John Egboy is so touched by it.
•lmao Steve Buscemi's just chilling at the craps table having a drink

And that's the end, thanks for coming to this airing of Con Air with guest commentary