Mindscape

Yikes

Well it's been a little bit since I wrote a thing in here, so here's a thing now.

I finally got to go home from college for the first time this semester over the weekend. We had a two day break from classes that they tacked on to make a four-day weekend, so I went home instead of to my grandparent's house. It was pretty awesome. It was just my mom and I since my dad was at work.

We marathoned Bones most of the day, and watched football (I barely watched, mostly played on my phone) Friday when I got back, and attended a friend's wedding on Saturday. I worked on economics homework for the entire day Sunday because I suck at it, and I need to get a tutor. On Monday I had a doctor's appointment and on Tuesday (today) my mom had class and I went back to school.

So, my doctor's appointment. I had to wake up super early to go to the hospital to get some blood work done, and then my actual appointment was later in the day. My doctor confirmed that I am in fact anemic and have a low blood count (my labs a few months ago said I might have been but we weren't sure because it was also shark week, and this recent one was for confirmation). Now I have to take iron supplements for the next year and we'll see how it goes from there.

Now this is all fine and dandy, I don't really care about so much about it, but what bothers me is that my doctor refused to prescribe something for my anxiety. I've only really talked about this on here once, but I'm really anxious pretty much all the time. It makes me nauseous. But the thing is, I don't know what is making me anxious. I can't think of a reason. I just feel it in my stomach and it doesn't go away.

I tried explaining this to my doctor but he wants me to talk to a psychiatrist. I told him okay but in my mind I was like, how am I supposed to talk to a shrink if I don't know WHY I'm so anxious? It's not even the usual 'life is fleeting and we're all going to die someday and what comes after that' kind of anxiety because I have long since come to terms with my own mortality, and I'm doing well in all my classes, I'm on track to graduate in two years, my bro's a jerk but everything else is relatively fine in my life, so what the heck is going on?!

And I wouldn't even care about being anxious if it didn't make me want to throw up all the time. I can't even tell when I'm hungry because my hungry tummy rumbling is being masked by my bleh pukey tummy rumbling. It sucks. But the worst part is that it keeps me up at night. I'm freaking exhausted. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in months. I slept better than usual at home, but that's because I got to sleep in later than I usually do. But that was only for four days, and now I'm back to getting up for class and being awakened by a rude roommate. Ugh.

My mom is amazing and gets why I just want something to make it stop, so she got me some vitamins that are supposed to help. I'm taking St. John's Wort for the anxiety and Melatonin to help me sleep. They're both all natural and all that fun junk, and I can get them in the vitamin section at Walmart so that's good. The St. John's Wort is supposed to take a few days to start really taking affect as my system gets used to it, and I'm not really sure about the Melatonin, but it's my first day taking both of them, so here's to hoping they work.