Mindscape

May 2019

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa this has already been such a busy summer, and I don't even have a job yet. 

So since school ended on May 13, I had an appointment with an endocrinologist the following day that went some kind of way. The guy was really nice, surprisingly soft-spoken for a doctor, and I am garbage at talking about symptoms. I don't know what it is, I just suck at judging what's a symptom of something or what's just normal for me, which is a problem when having symptoms of something for so long that they become the norm. The appointment went well enough I think, the doctor listened to what I had to say and we did an ultrasound on my thyroid and a bit of more in-depth labwork than I've had to do for any other doctor. I ended up breaking down a little bit in front of the doctor and the lab technician. I have a few cysts on my thyroid that are too small to be of worry right now, and one little nodule that is equally tiny so it's fine now but we're gonna keep tabs on it. Nothing definitive, and all I want is answers so I was a little upset when I couldn't get a diagnosis. The doctor thought I was upset about the nodule, and the lab technician thought I was afraid of needles, but I was just upset about still not knowing. Later that week I went and got screened to see a psychiatrist which took all of five minutes, and they scheduled me a real appointment for the next month. 

The next week I had another doctor's appointment, this time with a gynecologist. The doctor was also very nice, and I could tell she was really trying to make me feel comfortable. She knew my aunt, so we talked about her and my new baby cousin for a bit, and she also immediately pegged me as an animal person. I ended up having to get a really invasive procedure done that I'm not going to go into but let me just say that it was THE most uncomfortable thing I've ever done and I have to do it every year now so fuck being female. The results of that were normal, nothing came of it. I did call the endocrinologist to get the results of my labs back, and I'm gonna talk about that a little lower. 

The weekend after that appointment, I went with my aunt (gonna refer her as aunt 3) and her fam to visit my other aunt (aunt 1) and her fam in Texas. We left at like 4 am so aunt 3 could stop to feed my new baby cousin every so often. The trip went well, we got there with a decent chunk of the day to settle in. I went with my two aunts to the HEB, which let me say is the coolest grocery store ever. There are free samples all over, the selections are so wide, it's not even just groceries, there's also a clothing section and a little florist area and a section for some company that sells coolers and those fancy insulated travel cups and stuff like that, and there's an entire department attached for people to order their groceries online and pick them up at the store. The HEB is the greatest, but it's only in Texas, where I do not live. Anyway, it was a good trip, it was great seeing my cousins and aunt and uncle who are also my godparents. They have a pool, which was blissful in the heat. I had some good conversations with my two aunts about what all is going on health-wise, and my family has a fairly extensive history of all kinds of health issues. So the day before we were supposed to leave, I caught some kind of something and got real sick. I don't know if it was food poisoning or some effect from taking two new vitamins and my body reacted badly or what, but I threw up for the first time since fourth grade and emptied my entire body into the toilet over the course of two days, and I ended up having to be left behind by aunt 3 cause my uncle had to work. I got stuck in Texas for about a week until my parents got me a plane ticket back home. 

It would have been fine to stay, but I had to go back to babysit my goddaughter and baby cousin for a night while my aunt 3 and uncle went to Houston so that my uncle could donate stem cells or bone marrow or something. To prep for that, he had to give himself these shots that made him feel like garbage but made him grow cells faster or something. It only took a few hours, but it was early in the morning and we do not live near Houston so they had to fly there the day before and I had to babysit. It would have been fine, but I've never babysat a newborn before, only toddlers, so I was a little overwhelmed. Thankfully though, my aunt 3 is not one of those moms that has the baby sleep in the same bed as them, so the baby was in her bassinet and I didn't have to worry about squishing her. I am a worry-wort to the max when it comes to sleeping with other people so if I have to do it I don't sleep at all, but I didn't have to so I at least go a little rest. My mom had to work that night, but my dad and grandpa were home and able to help me when I needed it. 

So that brings me to today, the beginning of June, and I just had my first not-quite appointment at the psychiatrist. I didn't actually see the psychiatrist, I saw a counselor, and it was more of an assessment than a counseling session. Just the basic stuff, signing releases and going over family medical history (of which mine is extensive), and all that fun junk. The clinic that I'm going to is very busy so I can't get another appointment until July, and I have to see the counselor again before I see the psychiatrist. 

And before I forget, my results from the endocrinologist say that my levels of Vitamin D are low, so I'm taking that vitamin now, and my levels of thyroid antibodies are high. They think this means that I have Hashimoto's disease. Unfortunately, as per my luck, they aren't willing to treat this yet, and I have to wait and see if it gets worse, even though I feel pretty terrible already. I'm not gonna lie, I feel pretty hopeless right now. I'm glad that I have some kind of answer now, but it really sucks that nothing is happening to remedy it. 

So anyway, that was my month. I'll try to do more progress reports I guess. I think it should be easier now, I should be less busy now cause it's my last semester at college and I'm taking the bare minimum of classes that are mostly fun ones because I only need one specific one to graduate.