I'm kind of really sad that I've never gotten to really travel. Like I keep hearing about all these people from high school going on trips to Europe and to all these amazing places, and the closest I get to a vacation is renting a cabin at the lake with my entire family, where I'm usually stuck babysitting while everyone else gets drunk.
I just really want to experience different cultures. I want to go somewhere, anywhere, that makes me think, "This is the most amazing experiences of my life and I never want to leave."
So I live in the southern United States, and one time my parents and I stayed the night in New Orleans, Louisiana. It was incredible. We walked around the French Quarter and Jackson Square where all the artists are, and we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe and Cafe Du Monde, and we could see the mural on the Audubon Aquarium from our hotel room. I loved every second of that trip. I won't lie, I cried when we had to leave, mainly because my dad made us leave earlier than he said we would.
I think I might be stuck in a rut. Everything I do has become routine. I get up, go to work, come home, take care of my dog, go to bed, and do it all over again in the morning. It's the same when I'm at school. I wake up, go to class, go back to my room, do my work, and go to bed. When I have free time I watch anime and read books or manga. It's getting to the point where my body is so in need of a change from the routine that I don't get tired or hungry because I sleep and eat at the same time every day and not sleeping or eating is something different. I've gone days without sleep or food because my body tells me I don't need it at that time. And I know, I know, it's not healthy to not eat or sleep, but I just so crave something different that I do it anyway.
Oh god, I feel like such piece of shit writing this. This is just pathetic. This is pitiful and whiny and bitchy and terrible. I have it so damn lucky and here I am complaining. Geez, I freaking suck. It's just one freaking "crisis" after another with me. I feel like such a hypocrite or something. I'm sorry for anyone who reads this. This is serious crap. Just all crap. I am so full of crap, all of the time. Nothing but crap up in this joint. You know how they have those "Which emoji are you?" quizzes online? I don't even have to take it to know that I'm that little poop with the face emoji. This guy right here. This is the literal representation of me, except it should be crying or something, and frowning, definitely frowning, and it should have this facial expression that looks like it screwed up really bad and knows it.
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On a different note, one that has nothing to do with what just happened up there ^^^, my mom came into my room a little while ago and just looked at me. It took me a few second to realize she was crying, which usually when my mom comes into the room crying and just looks at me for a minute then someone just died or something, so I'm about to freak out. I asked what's wrong, and she just goes, "HBO and Fast & Furious 7. I forgot how it ended." I look at her like she's nuts and say, "For a second I thought someone died!" "Someone did die!" "I thought someone from our family died!" "They did!" "Okay, I thought someone we were biologically related to died!" Then she left. I yelled after her, "Mom you can't just come in my room crying and looking at me, that's what you do when someone actually dies!" I thought it was funny so I shared.
But back on topic, I am really truly freaking sorry for being garbage. I am so screwed up in the head right now, and I'm working on getting it together and stuff. I have a doctors appointment in a couple of weeks to get my meds to stop screwing with my hormones and I should be more okay after that. Everything just feels wrong right now and I just keep complaining about it which isn't going to make it better and I'm sorry for that.
