Strong like an anchor

Turmoil

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Demi’s POV: 

The warm liquid slides down my throat, calming me with every sip. Thank God he is here I think to myself. I look up at my beloved Wilmer and smile. My breaking heart warms at the sight of his finely etched face gazing down at me. “What did I do to deserve you?” I ask him with adoration. He places a soft kiss on forehead and replies, “I ask myself the same question every day Hermosa”. I nudge further into his chest.

*Flashback*

The water is beating down on my back. I feel like I’m stuck under water, trapped and gasping for air. I can hear the blood pumping in my ear. My heart feels like it’s about to jump out of my chest at any second. I feel the smooth metal hit my wrist. I close my eyes, take a deep breathe in and….

*Present time*

My eyes widen and fill with tears as the reality of what happened this morning fills my clouded mind. What was I thinking? I begin to trace through earlier events. How could I be so stupid. What if he hadn’t of come in when he did. I shudder at the thought. 15 months. I nearly threw away 15 months. All the people I love and care about start flashing through my head. Wilmer. Mum. Dad. Dallas. Maddie. Marissa. Matthew. Chelle. My Lovatics. Oh God my Lovatics. They look up to me. Rely on me. What would I have said. Disappointment and anger rages through me as I unfold everything piece by piece. I start shaking.

“Hey, hey. I got you Nena. Shhh. Shhh”, his voice brings me back to reality. I look up at him, a tear rolls down my face. He gets his thumb and gently wipes it away. “But I nearly… I … Oh God Wilmer…what did I nearly do…” the words stumble out. “I know baby, but you didn’t and you’re safe now. I got you,” he replies gently, squeezing me.

*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*. The front door bursts open. “HELLO?” I hear a familiar voice yell from the foyer. “In here Marissa”, Wilmer yells back. She quickly scuttles in, worry swept across her face. She rushes over to my other side and throws her arms around me. I hold on to her tightly. I feel tears flow from my eyes and deep sobs escape beneath my chest. I stay held in her warm and familiar embrace. I eventually feel myself relax. The sobs subside and my eyes begin to dry. I am exhausted. I feel as though someone has switched on the slow motion button. Everything feels delayed and muffled. My heart no longer hurts. I just feel numb. As if I’m in a dream I can’t wake up from. Marissa pulls back and looks into my eyes. I now see she too has been crying. I feel Wilmer’s hand on my thigh. Marissa looks into Wilmer’s worried eyes as if pleading for what has happened. I sense this and quietly speak up. “It’s my dad Marissa. Patrick. He is gone. He is finally at peace”. I see Marissa’s eyes flicker through about 20 emotions and thoughts in the space of a few seconds. “Demi…I.. I’m sorry”, she responds softly. Her hand wraps around mine and squeezes tightly. A single tear rolls down her cheek.

I sit myself upright and pull my legs cross legged beneath me. “I should ring…” my voice trails off. I can’t think clearly. My head is a mess. “Who do you we need to call darling”, Wilmer asks. I force myself to think logically for a few seconds. I need to ring Dallas I think. Then there’s my team. I will need to organise work. “I need to ring Dallas” I finally say. “Could you possibly ring my team?” I ask Wilmer. He stands up and hands me the cordless phone. “You ring Dallas. I’ll ring your team”. He leans down and kisses my forehead. He grabs his cell phone and leaves the room.

I stare down at the phone, take a deep breath in and dial. The phone rings four times before she picks up “Hey Dems” she says weakly, sniffing back. “How you doing sis?” she asks me. “Hmmm”, I reply. “Yeah I know. He’s at peace though. Let’s hold onto that yes. It’s over. No more pain. We will be ok. We’ve got each other. We will get through this together” she says, her big sister instinct taking over. How can she be so strong and have it so together, I think in admiration. At least I had Dallas who understood exactly what I was feeling. “You’re right Dallas” I sniff back tears. “Just so you know Dems, I’ve tweeted. So it’s kind of public knowledge now. The support is overwhelming. 7 out of the 10 worldwide trends are currently about it. I couldn’t believe my eyes”. “Your Lovatics are incredible. They are here for you sweetheart. If you need some strength, go on for a bit ok?” she says.. Wow I think to myself. “That’s…I..wow”, I finally spill out. “Yeah I know. I am sort of in shock. Feels like a dream hey?” she replies. “Got that right. I feel numb Dall”. “Me too Dems, me too”. We sit in silence. “Come home?” Dallas pipes in through the quiet. I think for a second. Hmm I have Good Morning America in a few days but I guess I could for a few days. Then I think of Wilmer. I want him with me. I stir from my thoughts and say, “I need to tie up a few things this end. I have things I need to sort, but if I can of course I will Dall. You know there is no place I’d rather be than with family right now. I need Wilmer too though. He’s my rock at the moment”. “Yeah I get what you mean, Rob has been amazing. We are so blessed Dems. Never forget the people we have around us ok? One step at a time. Just breathe baby girl. Look down at those wrists of yours” she says with concern in her voice. I look down at my ‘stay’ tattoo and sigh. How close I had come. I feel a new sense of strength sweep through me. I can do this, I think to myself. I have to do this. I have to stay strong. I nod. “Ok Dall, I better go but I’ll hopefully see you soon ok. You stay strong and take care of yourself. I love you so much”. Tears re-creep into my eyes. “I love you too baby girl” she replies before making a kiss sound and hanging up. As I place the phone back on the table, Wilmer walks into the room.

“I rung your team and they said take all the time you need. They said let them know if you’re up to doing Good Morning America and if you want them to cancel anything. Everything up until Good Morning America is clear for you take a few days off. They were more than understanding and send their love and condolences”. I get up off the couch, releasing my hands from Marissa’s, walk over to Wilmer and place my arms around his neck, kissing his lips passionately. “What was that for?” he says after I pull my lips a part from his. “You’re amazing. Thank you for everything. I love you so much. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you” I say as I snuggle into his chest. “Still here!” Marissa says jokingly as she swings up her hand. I giggle.

“Ok..next thing. I need to make an appointment with my therapist. I don’t want a repeat of this morning..” I say matter of factly. “Good plan Hermosa” Wilmer says, kissing my forehead. Marissa shots a glance at Wilmer as if to say.. um what happened this morning. I am not up to explaining so simply say, “I’m not up to talking about it right now, Wilmer can tell you later on”. “Dems?” Marissa says with worry as she raises an eyebrow. “I’m good now ok. Promise”, I say back. I’m not sure if she completely believes me but it’s the truth so I’m not sure how much more convincing I can be.

“I’m tired. Are you guys ok if I go lie down?” I ask with hope. I am exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Wilmer looks at me wearily. “You haven’t eaten Nena. How about we get some food into you and then we go lay down together? Hmm” he says ever so sweetly. “I’m really not hungry baby” I say back, whining slightly. He gives me ‘a look’. I sigh, having an internal battle in my head. Ugh I really don’t feel up to eating I think. But Wilmer is not going to let this go. Plus I said I was going to be strong. Hmm, I guess a little bit of food wouldn’t hurt. Yup I am not going to fight another battle, I’ve done enough of that this morning. I give myself a little pep talk. You can do this Demi. Deep breath. I breathe in. “Ok I’ll eat” I finally speak up. Wilmer smiles, looking quite pleased with himself. But before I can make my way to the kitchen the doorbell rings.

The loud ring chimes through the foyer, bouncing off the tiles. I’m puzzled. Who else has Wilmer called? I think. I give him a confused glance as I make my way to the door. I turn the brass handle and open the big white door. “Baby girl…” a voice exclaims, arms open. I fling myself around her tightly. “Momma!”

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