The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

They Pretend

God are people hypocritical judgemental assinine in masses.
Yet they have every right to be toward me.
I realize i made a mistake yes i know that a huge fucking you dont have to fucking remind me.
When i sleep i hear them, the talk is all i am.
I begin to feel myself drift away from their close knit and tight little circle of life while they pry at me for answers to this day.
I know i fucked up and they have every right to hate me for what i do, what ive done yet what did i do?
They gave up hope on me.
Theyre tired of trying just like long ago i gave up on myself... i have a perfectly valid reason to want to be dead for being so desperate and needy.
I will never have that perpetual bond with anyone again, its not because i kept shutting them out but because i deserve to be cast aside at sea.
Thats all im on right now is a sea.
Im not floating or paddling i am stuck stuck in a position that i cant change or escape from.
You have no idea how bad i pray that something anything a reaction other then the one i am receiving would just happen.
What hirts the most though, is knowing i will never fit into theor small tight knit family again i kicked myself out of.
And for what?
Visions that were only selfish and based off of things i only thought were gonna happen to me.
Im not a saint, im not an angel hell i am not any different then the rest of us.
Im a human.
Im not any gift and if i am... then what purpose do i serve other then to bring misery and sadness wherever i roam? Im a disappointment to myself and to others,
I have no meaning i never did.
Sometimes i thibk about why i pray if i barely belive there is a God sometimes i just think im talking to mom and shes the only one who listens... and God she just hates me right now... she is so sad for me and just they were right.
My fuckng aunt was right!
She hates me for what i do.
I have no worth to man then i guess i dont to the guy in the sky either.