The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

Life Is Funny

Took forever but i was right

Sad part is how stupid you feel about it later.

Stupid because the whole time u assumed it was all in your head when it never was,
Sad when you realize that you really are alone,
That no one understands where you stand.

Stupid because it took five months to realize it.

I have done the math countless times and somehow i just kept foing the math and doing the math until i had it all figured out.

I was violently sick in mid August till about October it wasnt always morning though sometimes it was the middle of the night and i couldnt eat or drink because i could smell everything.
It was as if i was too close.

By November i was already an emotional mess and have been since.
December i was eating peanut butter whenever i could and cant stand beef often,
Tomatos became my Kryptonite.

Now.
Beginning of February.
When a few weeks ago my body decided it was gonna do all kinds of tricks at this point.

Was when i first felt it.

I cant call it anyring else but an it.

I cant really consider anything else but an it because i never knew.

I never knew you were real,

I am still so used to pain being mental; not always physical that by the time i figured it out its too late.

So it leaves abortion out of the question.

Why me?

Why now?

I know i asked for a purpose, to be honest i didnt ask for this.
I know i asked for meaning but how do i handle this?

When you dont even have a clue you cant even find it until its too late.

Maybe thats all i am or well was,
Delay.

I am a huge dellusional wreck,

A delay.

I only knew i wasn't dellusional until i actually got on a scale.

I knew once tha scale said 110 not 98 or 99 pounds something was up.

That my assumptions were right they had always been right.

I wasn't as crazy as i seemed,

My pain wasnt always in my head it was real,

It is real.

And i have to deal with the rest for four months.

Does it ever end?

Did it ever really end?

Or was i just holding it back until i was ready to accept it?

Never thought such a denial was real,

Never thought that such an emotion was possible.

Never thought id see myself as a mom so early.
Because i cant.

I cant do it.

I cant handle all of it, i was lucky to have made it this far anyway.

I was lucky to have denied so much that it simply stopped or so i thought.

I am not ready for this.

I cant handle it.

Im already emotionally broken down and useless,

Why would you do this?

Is it a cruel blessing or a sick joke?

I guess its true God has a sense of humor because to be honest im still laughing about this.