The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

The Weight of a 1000 Words

You have successfully become oh i dont know...
Gone.

You belive in yourself but the reigns of reality slowly slip.

You belive in a God and the Devil but they must have refused ypu last night because you still walk another day,

Still breath another day,

Still hear another day,

And for what?

To regret what im doing?

To realize the mistakes im making?

To think that im blocking everyone out because i meed this isolation?

I cant tell people closest to me about anything and thats a fact:

Strangers open doors to other places we are yet to roam to.

Apperently i have roamed way too far and now im in a limbo of bullshit at the crossroads hitching a ride nowhere.

Or could it be the emotions of just stress and disappointment?

So much disappointment...

I thought they cared now every glance i get is one of nothing and the words all hurt.

When you dont speak is when it hurts the most.

Perhaps im making my own bullshit...

Maybe im losing my mind and i cant really control it anymore.

I have no help.

Those who say they want to help are just assholes like the rest of them.

I know what my goals are and my first reapect as royal...

I guess is to get to the bank.

My second decreed is to save for a place.

My last decreed is to go to get a secind job.

Its going to eat my life up.

Never had a childhood now that im out here...

What is even a life?

What is patience?

What is kindness?

What is the impure thoughts that lurk in the human soul?

What am i?

Im not even sure anymore.

I was ok a few weeks ago and then suddenly i came back...

All those hurtful words and thoughts,

All those useless petty thoughts came back at once and left me wallowing in cuts and bruises.

It left me with scars and this time not even a bandaid had the ability to hide or cover.

Could it be that im losing control of my emotions?

Could i actually be stronger?

Could i just be seeing the world for what it is:

The coldest fucking place in the galaxy?

Pluto aint got shit on a slap to the face with a lead pipe when i didnt sweep the right way.

Venus aint hot enough to contain my vengeance on those who hurt me in the past.

Jupiter isnt that far from where im reaching maybe its closer then you think.

No matter where you go everything is different and nothing changes...

No motivation.

No mood.

Numbness consumes my mind amd body like another soul covering my old self.

Im not alive.

Im alive.

Im probably not human to feel nothing all the time,

To careless but care too damn much about someone that probably doeant miss or evwn care about me?

What if im going the distance for nothing?

What if im just fighting myself and theres no enemy here?

I dont know.

Because when words feel like a thousand pounds against your chest you have two options:

1. Let all those words drown and suffocate you,

Let their judgement turn your biterness into vengeance and eventually have your heart become black amd hollow or...

2. Lift that crap off your chest and use their words and accusations as strength for yourself.

Because even when you are punched in the face in a fight you always get back up,

You have never stood down and no was a dare,

Yes was a challenge and everything you have been through isnt always going to be like this.

Sure times are tough and your naive but you have to keep going even woth all those scars and dirty looks,

Even with all those useless crap that you keep hearing and thinking,

You always get back up.

Because thats who you are and you havent died yet because its not whats going to happen.

You are going to show them all that you never forget who you are,

That you dont even forget what they have done to you,

But you are grateful enough to forgive and not hate,

To move on.

~always keep fighting