The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

Nineteen

I took a picture today in what felt like forever and immediatly noticed things.

I was different; not bad different but different, something about my hair perhaps.
How it falls down my back on large waves and about my face on the windiest days,
How the blonde shows up against the sunlight and when the sun sets it leaves it tanned.

I was different because my face wasnt as sad as it always was,
It was kore longing, mysterious.
Asking for a secind chance,
Crying for acceptance.

It was my lips that werent as thin and drawn out but decent and pouty; they were once kissable.

It was my eyes and the color that didnt reflect back like when im happy,
They were hollow and dark.

I wasnt sad,

I was alone.

That is the face of a thousand stab wounds to the chest with no cloth to keep the blood inside,
With no pain to contain.

It was the smile of tired tears and every last failed promise and attempt i held in for months.

The eyes of the fallen.

So many years i have tried to stay sane,
So many years all i had known was box and all that box provided for me was a place to stay,
Food,
Water.
Four walls and a ceiling;
It never offered adventure,
It never gave me a name,
It never let me have fun.

It always told me to stay close by,
To be afraid be terrigied o whats behind that wall,
It always told me i was never going anywhere,
It always held me in whwn i shouldve been out.

At nineteen.
The last golden bit of opprotunity,
The last time.to make it shine,
The final year.

Alot of people would say you start to discover yourself at twenty and thirty you learn your limitations,
At fourty you find out whats killing you,
Fifty you are on a train to death,
By sixty you hang on a thread.

I hate to say it but i never really imagined 19 as an option.

I never saw any of this an option,
Who.knew what fate coildve held for me or what karma planned to do,
What destiny holds next.