The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

Scar Tissue

It was hard but then i remembered why i had stopped wearing shorts.

I knew this would happen eventually when or if i ever focused on it hard enough...

That my past would come to haunt me.

A few scars on my ankles and thighs of all the pain id encountered over the years,
Collected and defined specifically from all the bullshit that adds up.

Some people assume its for attention a way out,
A look out
But not to me.

It was a warning:
I dont want help,

I want to die.

If only others have seen what i see in these scars when it happened.

Beauty,
Release,
Anger,
Control,
Absense,
Loneliness,
Shame,
Guilt,
Fear,
Happiness,
Sorrow.

What i saw was no tomorrow.

I had no hope and then i had all the hope in the world.

And then it was ripped away again.

Now im stuck wondering when it will come back.

When will it ever be release and trust again?

When will i ever understand that im not alone but im alive?

This is why i avoid the question:
Are you ok.

Its my trigger.
Emotional,
Physical,
Mental.

If you ask if im ok you had better be prepared for a story becaise i could sit there and give you every vivid image i have in my head from thbgs i can remember.

Things that were and are forever.

I have seen myself in past life and i knew who i was it explained so much fear toward things,
It explained so much.

But these scars...
They were a sign that i was ok.

That i was once alright and had it all handled.
That i was fine.

Without these scars i qouldnt be reminded like i am now.

What happened?

Fit in?

Once you start you cant stop.

Your pain is your drugs,

Your high is on the agony it brings.