The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

It Never Ends

Days like this i wish i had owned a gun.
I had wished that Xanax had killed me.
I had wished that it dosnt feel like a never ending cycle of shit and that things stopped running together.

This is it.

This is all you get.

That hard work never pays off it just pulls you further.

Makes you realize that this is what we do every last one of us in this hole...
Work till we die.

Its like my mind is elsewhere while my body is barely managing to catch up to things.

I've had urges,
Deep desires,
Impulses never do i really ask myself why?

Why havent i fucking shot myself or the people around me?
Why havent i collapsed from all the nonexistent bullshit that keeps playing in my head?

What reason is there for me in this?

It seems as if i go nowhere.

They dont use people like me.

Why the fuck am i here?

So what if theyre disappointed or hate me for it!

For fucking once in a long ass time i am doing what i want with no limitation!

I may be terrified of nineteen but im sick of the same life,

The same place I'm  at.

I mean sure they take advantage of me and im paying the bills why the fuck are they complaining?

Sure im fucking your son but you sure as hell aint stopping me and neither is he.

I dont know what to make of it anymore because im so tired of everyone acting like im some common doormat.

God damn it!

Im so sick of being taken advantage of and giving in.

Why do i have to care?

Deep deep down though, i feel it.

God do i feel it.
If your not gonna help then fuck I'll help myself.

Why am i even considerate to that bitch?

She hates my guts more then anything right now.

All i wanna fucking do amymore is crawl in bed and smoke or drink till the pain fades.

I wanna fuck till i cant see straight and even more after that because im so tired.

I don't care if they love me or hate me...
I need this because im alone damn it.

And if sex with some jackass drug bitch for at least thrity minutes can take my mind off of anything besides the pain of reality and stupidity that you re actually doing it kicks in.

I can live with it.

I feel stupid because i should have said yes.

Last night i should have just let him fuck me silly in that bed i was already high as hell i wouldn't have felt or remembered any fucking thing anyway.

As i got older im begining to realize now its a fix.

Sexual attention to me is a drug.

Its something i don't want all the time but without it i get so angry and hateful...
Its not me.

I don't want to feel sorry for people when they feel sorry for me.

I dont want them to care about how i feel because thats not how its supposed to be.

So here i am another gorgeous day.

Ruined deep inside by lustful thoughts.
This point i dont even care if theyre hot, i just want someone to make me forget.

Make me forget what i wanted to be dead for.

Give me purpose for an hour,

Give me what im losing but not because they dont understand.

I dont love you.
I want you.
I dont need you.
I miss you.
You dont love me.
You trust me.
You used me.

And to be honest
Maybe i adore being used.