The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

Depression

The feeling of holding together as you fall apart.

Its like you are searching for light at the end of the tunnel but no one is waiting on the other side, or so it some days feels.

I keep trying to find ways to distract myself from the stupid shit i want to do,

From the voices i cant hear,

The images of all the memories that keep creeping back from the reminiscence of my mind.

Seems like every time i fall short of my expectations.

Seems like i dont find joy or laughter,
I dont find anything anymore.

Call me crazy and i could call you correct,
And that insanity isnt fair.

People who beg to be mentally fucking screwed but if i could take it all back if some way i could snap i would.

Dont get me wrong i have lost it multiple times and even worse?

I never seen myself this far and then that achy feeling comes back;
That intensity of what is and what isnt basic or simple anymore.

Call me stupid,
Call me scared,
Say im alone,
Call me weak,
Use me,
Toss me out,
Call me insane but i have no feelings left.

Thats whats always wrong.

Some days i feel nothing:
Cold as ice,
Black as fire,
Like falling snow.

Other days i feel it all at once:
Warm as the sun,
Golden angel,
Like the new sky.

Sure i could say some days i want to be like everyone else,

I wanna conform.

I long to fit into a world where i belong and whats wrong is how i wont find that place.

Whats really wrong is how i keep crawling back to this shallow hole and making plans in it,

I cant help it.

That hole is the only place that for a really long time i found comfort in it,

I found i wasnt entirely alone,

I found that somethings should never be said aloud.

In this hole i had me and everythig about me.

I wasn't scared.

Now that im in it though,

I dont think i can handle it.

I am not afriad but im tired of trying to prevent accidents that are meant to happen.

Tired of never being able to stay sober because staying sober is more sorry then it is safe.

Most days i just want to not have to picture myself beating someones head in out of impulse because i saw it.

Most days i wish i was happy.