The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

This Game

So here we go again.

The tides between sanity and insanity,

The old blame it on whoever ks nearby gig,

The toss off.

I was always subjective to change because its scary,

Its new,

Its open and its strange.

Change to me is like something thats supposed to be well negative, change has never ended well for me not in the least.

And when i broke down that day i tried so hard to hold all that change in me,
Keep it contained because im going nowhere.

I dont want to say i have grown accustomed to instability because believe me i have but, you know it doesn't help that you dont do anyting right.

How do you not flip out?

How do you not tell yourself yes or no?

Some days like today are rare, when i see you, youre the only person i want to see but everyone else i don't care.

Because change is my pet peeve and maturity is catching up to my body wise rather than my mind it wonders where the hell am i going?

What is next?

My visions?

No i gave up hope of ever having a prophetic lifestyle i realize its all in my head every single fear i had was controlling me and so when i let it all go...
In turn parts of me have went too.

Im sadder than I've been in awhile. Im scared so much because its a big, big world and no one is ever gonna tell me what to do,
When to get up,
Where to wash clothes at,
How to not eat bad food off the floor...

My childhood is over.
Over.

No one will ever help me now and im stuck but like i said im scared,
Not excited,terrified.

Most people my age begged for freedom but i had no choice i had to run to mine.

Im scared of whats ahead, i never had a real chance to be free and now that i am i dont understand im not thinking clearly,
I do it impulsively because i have to think for myself and to be honest if ever,

I want death to save me from myself.

Because my head is so tired of trying to figure out this place,

My heart is tired of pointless roads that are taking me nowhere.

All i am is a pawn,
Im a worthless pawn.

And if anyone had seen the pain from the beggining theyd understand why im so scared of change,
Why i become so comfortable with the old and not with the new.