The Voices Inside my Head!!!!

The end of the beginning

As days become weeks and weeks turn to months i begin to realize that theres a pretty good reason its called leaving.

A pretty good reason its called ignoring phone calls and people in general.

There was a reason i refused to feel this way for someone and the entire reason i let them use me.

Because after realizing that in a couple months you'll be born and that i fell for someone ill never see.

That i didnt ever ask for much but that i wanted someone relatable,
Its all i asked for in life.

I want somone who is willing to listen regardless of the ailmemats mental and physical,

Regardless of the imperfection that i want to be mine.

But you are so far and the more i kinda like this feeing i havent felt in a long time what was it called,
Happiness?

The more it hurt to realize we will never meet.

The more the fucked up reality hit when i noticed contact needed isn't needed or necessary but we never touched.

I tried to figure out how one soul in this world without me ever knowing it found me,

Noticed me.

Someone noticed something besides pain and betrayal,

Confusion and guilt,

Someone who was pretty bit not too proud of anything shes done.

The more it hurt to think that maybe you werent even real.

That you are just one of my many little fantasies i made up inside me because i am too alone and afraid to step outside of the world.

Or perhaps you are real but as a cross result you will be the death of me.

Here i was thinking a child would do that when i should've known itd be a guy.

Should've known itd be miles and miles away too.
Should have known better then to want.

Shouldnt have to want.

But im like Eve then again isnt every woman?

Wanting and wanting to try the forbidden fruit?

And its like when that first bite hits you...

Words cant be expressed.

The more i thought about my life and how many voices i keep hearing,

Who's who,

Whos really becoming who,

The crazier i end up being,

The closer i am to another breakdown.

Another relapse from unreleased tension.

Oh i wish you would take me away.

Sweep me off my feet and throw me on the bed and just tell me that i am yours,

The crazier the fantasies become.

The sadder they are.

When whats really fucking tragic is the fact that living with this for seven years you would think that everyone had a place and the places were all sealed tight....

When after seven years i thought i was ok and that nothing was wrong,

When seven years comes back around and ill look back at this and just cry.

Ill cry because i made a mistake,

Ill laugh because its really happening and somehow i kept ignoring it,

Ill be so angry because this wasnt supposed to happen so fast;
So early,

Ill be happy though.

Because after seven years i finally learned that there is more then one way around this.

That the answer wont always be death and solitude,

That sometimes all you really need is love.