Living With 5sos

Slowly Moving On

~Calum's Pov~

I don't know if I could ever find another girl as amazing as Rose. And I probably won't. I won't find someone as amazing as her, because no one else is her. She was her own person. She was unique. She wasn't the same as another person. And that's what I liked about her. She wasn't afraid to be herself, no matter what it meant. She was and still is the most amazing girl I went out with. I just wish I had more time. I know that's selfish, but I loved her. Some people say that love conquers all, and I guess I believe that.

I was lost in my own thoughts at four in the morning. It's been about one and a half weeks since Rose's passing. I haven't really gotten much sleep these days. When I close my eyes and try to fall asleep, I dream about her. About what we could've been. About what we could be doing together. But all I get is this idea of her, and not the actual person. I dream about what it would've been like twenty years down the road. And sometimes, these dreams are so vivid, that I wake up crying. Thinking that she was still alive. I sometimes wake up and don't remember anything that happened, but after I lay in bed, I slowly remember. I remember what I've been trying to forget.

I think that at some point, I'll move on. But that may not be until fifty years down the road. What she and I had was what I considered special. I've never been so in love with someone that it hurt so much. Hell, I don't think I've ever been in "love", for that matter. Sure I've had crushes, but I never really imagined getting married to my crushes. Until I met Rose. And I'm so thankful for Ashton, and this band, because without either of them, I'd be living a Rose-less life. And I wouldn't have experienced any of this.

I heard my door slowly creak open. I grab my phone and turn on the flashlight. "Luke?" I whispered. "Ow, yeah mate, its me. Do you mind turning that thing off?" Luke asked. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked. "I can't sleep, man." Luke said. I sighed. "Come here." I said. Luke quietly walked over to me. "Get in." I said. Luke went to the other side of the bed and got in. "Your bed is nice." He complimented. "Mhm." I sighed again. "Go to bed, Lucas." I mumbled before he could say anything else. "Calum?" "What Luke?" "Could we watch tv?" "Sure, whatever." I grabbed the tv remote and turned the tv on.

To be completely honest, I wanted to watch tv cause I couldn't fall asleep. "What do you want to watch?" I asked. "Whatever's on." Luke said. "Mkay." I flipped through channels until I came across a show called "Catfish". I looked at Luke and he nodded his head. So we watched it. I have four words to describe this show. Fucking weird as hell.

"Don't you think he would've figured out she was fake by now?" Luke asked. "One would think so. I mean, it's so obvious. Like honestly. C'mon people! Get it together!" I ranted. It was now six-thirty am. I wasn't going to get any sleep, so might as well just embrace the morning. "Luke." I said. "It's six-thirty. What have we been doing for the past two and a half hours?" I asked. "Yelling at the stupid people on tv for not realizing the one that they "love" is fake." Luke laughed. I laughed with him.

This was one of the many reasons why I loved Luke. He could brighten any mood, and make you forget about whatever was troubling you. He is one of the best "brothers" I have.