Off the Internet { Sequel to Internet Difficulties }

chapter thirty six

I haven't left my house in two weeks. Well, I haven't left my room for two weeks. I can't do anything without thinking that I killed my own baby.

Everyone has been worried about me. But I'm fine. I think.

" Millie, Luke and Kaylee are going off to school. Do you want to go say goodbye?" Liam says walking into the bedroom. I lay there staring at the ceiling. I don't answer him. I just concentrate on the blank ceiling. I hear Liam let out a deep sigh.

" Alright, I'll be right back." Liam says. I hear him close the door and walk away. I let out a sigh. I sometimes hate myself. My children want to see me but I'm pushing them away. I'm pushing everyone away like what I did with my unborn child. I'm so done with myself.

After a while, Liam walked back into the room. I hear him walk towards me and I feel the bed dip down.

" Millie, we need to talk." Liam says. I don't answer him. Liam sighs.

" Mill, I know you're still sad over the miscarriage. I get it. I'm still upset about it too." Liam says. I roll my eyes. He shouldn't be the one upset over all of this. He wasn't the one carrying the baby.

" But, I need you to cheer up a little more. I hate having the kids ask what's wrong with you and having to lie to them about you. You need to cheer up for your children." Liam says. See, the problem is I can't cheer up. I ruined my child, who wasn't even born yet, life. I won't ever see it grow up. Liam let's out another deep sigh.

" I'll be right back." Liam says. He walks out of the room, but not very far. He closes the door to our room.

" Hello?" I hear Liam talk to. He must be calling someone.

" Yeah, Lou. I need you to come over. Major emergency." Liam says. Last thing I need is Louis to come over. I just want to swallow in my self pity.

" Please Lou? She's going through a rough time, and I can't get to her. I'm hoping since you're her best friend, maybe you can reach out to her?" Liam says. Like I'll Louis get to me.

" Thank you so much Louis. I appreciate it." Liam says. I hear the door open and Liam walk in again.

" Are you doing any better?" Liam asks. I let out a deep sigh and shove my face more into my pillow. I just want to disappear off the earth. I hear Jason cry from the other room. I hear Liam walk out of the room to fetch Jason.

Liam walks back into the room with an upset Jason. Liam walks to the bed and places Jason on the bed. Jason squeals and crawls his way to me. I give him a small smile. He sits in front of me and gives my nose a sloppy kiss. I let out a little giggle. Liam sits down on his side of the bed.

" Did you say hi to mummy Jay?" Liam asks. Jason looks up at Liam and nods his head. Liam smiles. He places a kiss on Jason's forehead.

I hear the front door open and close followed with a," I'm here Liam!" that sounded a lot like Louis. Liam quickly runs out of the room. I can feel myself rolling my eyes. I hear Louis and Liam walk to the door.

Before they walked in, Liam says to Louis," Please try and cheer her up. You're honestly my last and only hope."

" I got this in the bag." Louis responds. I roll my eyes. The door opens and Liam and Louis walk in. Right away, Louis walks straight to Jason.

" Hello Jason! How is my favorite Payne!" Louis says picking Jason up. Jason starts giggling in Louis's arms. Louis looks at me.

" How is my best friend?" Louis asks. I turn to the other side so he doesn't see my face. I hear Louis sigh.

" This is going to be harder than I thought. Liam, can you please step out of the room with Jay?" Louis says.

" Sure thing." Liam says. Liam grabs Jason out of Louis's arms and walks out of the room. I can hear Louis maneuver himself on the bed.

" What's made you this way Millie?" Louis asks. I don't answer him. I hear Louis let out a sigh.

" I know how you feel." Louis says. I turn around and look at him weird.

" You don't know how I feel." I say.

" Well, Paige knows how you feel at least. But we know how losing a baby feels." Louis says playing with his fingers. I sit up.

" How do you know how it feels? Paige hasn't lost a baby, has she?" I ask. Louis looks down at his fingers.

" She lost two babies already." Louis quietly says. I stay quiet.

" Lou, I'm sorry. I didn't know." I say.

" Exactly. Because we got over it. You need to get over it. You can't continue to be upset over it. You see Paige and I always smiling, you need to do the same thing. Even after we keep failing, we continue to try again. I mean, I don't think you wanted the fourth one, but you can always try again. This obstacle will not stop you. When's the last time you saw your children?" Louis says. I look down at my fingers.

" Not for a while." I whisper.

" And that's the problem. They don't know what's going on, you can't do that to them." Louis says. I shove my face into my hands.

" I'm such an awful mother. I don't understand how my children can still love me after this." I sob into my hands. Louis pulls me into a hug and he just holds me close to him.

" Millie, you're far from being an awful mother. You are the best mother your children will ever have and don't you forget it. You just can't show your weaknesses to them. You need to act strong around your children. I mean it's okay to cry once in a while in front of them, but you can't be crying in front of them all the time." Louis says. I let go of Louis and wipe my eyes. I look at Louis.

" Thanks for cheering me up Louis. I'm glad to have a friend like you." I say.

" Yeah, you should be." Louis says. I roll my eyes and let out a little laugh.

" Is that a laugh I hear?" Liam says from outside of the room.

" You can come in now Liam." Louis says. The door opens and Liam walks in with Jason above his hip. Liam stood in the door way and smiled.

" Who is that sitting on my bed? That can't be my wife Millie." Liam says.

" Well, it is, so get your ass over here." I say. Liam walked his way to the bed and placed Jason on the bed before he sat down. Liam sat down next to me and pecked my lips.

" I miss kissing your lips." Liam says.

" I just miss you." I say.

" Hey! Let's not have sex with your best friend and child in the room!" Louis says. I roll my eyes. I look back at Liam.

" So, do you feel better babe?" Liam asks.

" I feel a lot better." I say.

" Thanks to your best friend!" Louis says. We both look at Louis who was now placing Jason on his lap.

" You really like to ruin the moment Louis." I say.

" That's what best friends are for." Louis says.

" I'm pretty sure that's not what best friends are for, but whatever." Liam says. Louis gives us a cheeky smile. I roll my eyes again. I question why I ever became friends with Louis in the first place.

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Sorry I didn't update in like two weeks. I have no idea why I'm like this.

This was more like a filler :/// I just love that face tbh.

Thank you so much for reading! Please make sure you're voting!

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