To Whom My Heart Belongs To [original]

Four

To someone I loved,

It really does change a person when they fall in love. Someone you used to know could become someone else you can hardly recognize. They leave you behind in order to chase their infatuation. Their reason for leaving could follow along on the lines of it being "true love." I've lost someone who played a significant role in my life because I decided you were more important than them.

I guess you still are important to me. Not only have you allowed me to finally realize I've been standing beside someone who would abandon me during my darkest times, but you've changed the way I view things. Everywhere my head turns, there's something in the area that carries my thoughts back to you. All these tiny objects bring back memories, short memories from a while back. You've most likely forgotten those moments that I won't forget, but one day I hope you remember how much you've changed me since we first met.

But when you're near, I freeze. My mind stops working clearly. That's what happened the day I officially let go of a friend who I once trusted. The thoughts running in my head weren't being processed properly, and I thought my friend would be there for me. No, I was alone that day. So I faced you alone. I panicked the first time when I was alone with you. In the corner of my eye, I saw my old friend watching but turned the opposite direction when I caught the staring. There was something in her eyes. Was it regret? Vengeful? Jealousy? I couldn't tell. My mind was still in panic mode when I was near you. So instead of wondering what ever happened between me and her, I questioned what happened between you and me.

In the end, I lost a dear friend. But someone told me not everyone you lose is a true loss. To me, the friend I had to let go of wasn't worth more than you. And as far as I was aware, you were more important to me than she ever was. She had been in my life for over three years while I had only known you for less than a year. She never made attempts to make me laugh or smile, but you were always finding some way to lift my frown. And if there was any possible chance that I could get closer to you, I'm sure you would offer more support than she would ever give.

There's more to life than I could ever have. Not everyone gets to have everything. In order to get one thing, you might have to let go of another. My final decision was to hold on to you and let go my old friend. Was it a fatal mistake or a blessing in disguise?

With love,

someone who lost someone else