To Whom My Heart Belongs To [original]

Seven

To someone I loved,

There was a point in time when I was hurt. It was emotional so there weren't any physical marks for evidence. I had been hurt by the words and actions of those close to me. There was a quote I saw that said, "The saddest part about betrayal is that is always comes from the ones you believe were loyal." That quote lived true for me. Betrayal comes around but only from the ones you thought were loyal. It's hard for me to trust anyone, but the pain should wear off in the night. By morning, I'll forget there was ever pain in the first place.

I had been hurt before, but this time around, the pain was different. It came with a sense of endangerment. I had a feeling something bad would happen as the pain diminished each day. So I watched my back and kept an eye out for any signs of danger. My instincts were screaming at me not to let my guard down. Their shouting continued with me obeying their orders. For days, I stayed prepared. Those days turned into weeks. Then for weeks, I slowly turned to disbelief in finding out nothing in my life was in danger of harm.

And then, a cannon went off. Metaphorically speaking, of course. My guard was put down, and I was hit. The cannonball struck me in the area where many before me had been hurt: my heart. Now I was in disbelief because I couldn't trust my instincts for an extended period of time. Who was this cannonball? Well, it was someone who I thought was close to me, someone who I thought wouldn't crush my heart the way it was shattered. That person was you.

You didn't directly hurt me though. This time it was a matter of games I played in my head. At that time, I couldn't admit I fell in love with you. I was putting an unnecessary weight on my shoulders. Luckily, that weight didn't kill me. That weight weakened me for sure, but I wasn't dead yet. Theoretically speaking, I could've openly admitted to loving you and the weight could've been removed.

Instead, I chose to take the more difficult path. That path sent me to sleep every night with a pounding in my head. Every bang was another denial. I couldn't fall in love. I absolutely couldn't fall in love. Trying to persuade myself, I continued to say it over and over again. You betrayed me. Although it was indirect, you still hurt me because I never imagined you for being the cause of the hammering in my head. You broke my heart without intentionally doing. You broke my heart without even knowing it.

With love,

someone who was hurt