To Whom My Heart Belongs To [original]

Nineteen

To someone I loved,

Someone asked a thoughtful question today. Is it better to be happy and ignorant or aware and upset? My first thought was aware and upset. I didn't have a second opinion on it. All I thought about was knowing the information. My reason for that choice was that it would be better to be informed and ready for what's next to come rather than uninformed and unprepared for the future events. Many of the scenarios I conjured up involved me in social situations with my friends or my secret identity.

Then I began to realize what situation I was in with you. It made me reconsider my answer. It also made me wonder what side you would want to be in our sticky situation. Did you prefer not to know about my crush on you or did you prefer to know? My side of the story follows a different path. I either get to know what you think of me now or I get to continue on with my wondering. While it may seem like a simple choice, it's not as easy as it appears. By knowing the truth, it may upset me. By not knowing the truth, I'll always be lost in my thoughts searching for the truth. I understand that sadness and being upset is a part of life, but it's not a feeling I want to embrace until I know I'm sure I'm ready to accept it.

Acceptance plays a large role in this game too. You need to accept my crush on you and possibly take an action while I need to accept the fact you might not take any action at all. If it were as simple as me liking you and you liking me, everything could be solved in an instant. But this isn't one of those scenarios. I'm aware you are capable of understanding concepts. However, you haven't picked up on any clues or hints whatsoever. I feel that you've forgotten about what I've told you that day a few weeks ago. Perhaps one day I will remind you and you will become aware. Until that day comes, I remain ignorant and left clueless of the answer.

With love,

someone who is aware yet ignorant