To Whom My Heart Belongs To [original]

Eighteen

To someone I loved,

Actions speak louder than words, right? Did my action speak louder than the words I said to you? Maybe they did because you ignored me for weeks. And for weeks, I've hoped things would return to the way they used to be. It was a useless hope though. In this case, my word spoke louder than my actions. All my actions made me do was run away in panic. On the other side, your actions spoke louder than your words as you didn't say anything but I understood what you meant. The act of ignoring me for weeks said a lot about your character.

It's funny how lies work. A lie is a saying that is not true. I asked why you were ignoring me and you let a lie slip out of your mouth. You said that you were busy. In an instant, I noted that it was a lie. There were plenty of cases in which we could've spoken, but you didn't take those chances. Maybe it was partially my fault too. When we could've spoken, I could've made the first move but I didn't. It was an action I could've made. Instead, I place the blame on you for the reason for ignoring me. In truth, we were both ignoring each other. The only difference was that you were doing a better job than I was.

Now I place part of the blame on myself. My mind is telling myself that I made a mistake. On my part, attempting to ignore you and avoid you was a mistake. I made the wrong move. If I hadn't gone down that path, it's possible that you wouldn't have ignored me for weeks. It's possible that I wouldn't be complaining about this. But is it really possible if only I'm thinking about what could've happened? You would need to play your part too. Would you?

I made the wrong actions. I've made a handful of wrong actions in my lifetime. It's difficult to recall all of them, but I remember some of them. The most recent one was the one I made with you. And even though I should know better and learn from my mistakes, I still fell down the wrong path. I know I've apologized many times, but again, I say I'm sorry for not being the one who could've changed things between us. My apology is useless though, only time will continue and we will adapt to whatever situation is thrown at us. For all the wrong actions I've made, I blame myself, but I don't know if you take the blame along with me or point your finger in the opposite direction.

With love,

someone who made the wrong actions