New Beginnings (Charlie Bartlett Fanfic Starring Robert Downey Jr.)

Chapter 36 - Bathtub Confessions

In the warm tub, Sydney's back was pressed to Nathan's chest. Their hearts were still racing as the water soothed their post workout muscles. Nathan fought against the words he wanted to ask, but Sydney could sense something was off.

"Something wrong?" she asked, turning to face him.

No lies...no secrets. "Not wrong, exactly." He sighed, the sound heavy. "I made a pretty big deal out of 'safety' once I found out Susan was," he swallowed hard, "active." He ran a loofah along Sydney's shoulders. "We're being..."

"Irresponsible," Sydney said, her voice almost sad.

"I'd say impulsive." He kissed the side of her neck. "I love being that intimate with you, Syd, nothing else on earth feels that way. I just think we need to be a little more careful when we get swept up in one another."

"You're absolutely right," Sydney agreed. "I have a hard time controlling myself around you if you hadn't noticed." She forced a laugh. "However, since we're on the subject..." She shook her head. "Never mind."

Nathan rinsed her back and pulled her close to him, resting his head on her shoulder. "I love you, Syd."

"I love you, too."

"So, then what's on your mind, hm?"

Her fingers lightly stroked his leg under the water, the act loving rather than sexual. "This is completely selfish and it's just one of the things I need to put out there, but you've already been married and raised a child, Nathan. You've had your problems, but you're okay now...and you love me." She took a deep breath. "David broke off our engagement, John ran off, and I tried to tell myself that I wasn't going to have certain things in life, but then you...I kind of need to know where you stand on certain things." For more reasons than you may know...

Understanding, Nathan shifted so he and Sydney could be face to face. He pulled her into his lap, the water in the tub sloshing about, and looked into her eyes. "I married my ex because we were careless," he confessed. "We were in some kind of love, but not the strong kind, I think it was more along the lines of 'puppy' and it wore off. We were never meant to work out in the long term, but we made Susan and I wouldn't trade her for the world."

Unable to stop it, a tear fell into the water. "I want to be a wife and mother someday, Nathan, and I'm not putting you on the spot in any way. I just need to know if you still have a want for those things. I don't want to end up..." His lips stopped her, soothed her.

"Sweetheart, calm down. I don't want to repeat what I know you've heard in the past, you know we have something here - something real and good. Just because I was married before and it didn't work doesn't mean I've given up on it. As for children I always wanted more than one, but it wasn't my choice." He saw a complete change in her face, but continued. "We're so new, Syd, but I promise you, I want the same things you do. I wouldn't string you along. If we...work out the way I hope we will, it'll be..." His voice trailed, scared of saying something that could break their hearts in the future, but he continued quickly. "...but if it doesn't, it won't be for one of us wanting something the other doesn't."

"It's not just that I can't control myself around you, I could if I really wanted to...well, maybe, but, Nathan, I'm...mildly...broken."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be a mother, Nathan, and hearing you say that you want to be a father again eases and terrifies my mind all at once." She took a deep breath, readying herself to open a wound. "I, um...when David and I were together I started to...there was pain...a constant, dully agonizing thing that..." Tears fell, but she wasn't crying as she had done before. She took Nathan's hand and placed it on her stomach, then guided his index finger over scar tissue that resided just below her belly button. He had recalled wondering what it was from on one of their nights together. "I needed to know what you wanted so I could know whether or not this was a detail I should..."

Nathan understood that whatever she was about to tell him was something that pained her more than physically. He saw the hurt in her eyes and how hard she was fighting against it. "You can tell me anything, Syd." He ran his fingers along her cheek, trying to comfort her. "Do you still get pain?"

She nodded. "Endometriosis. It's normally not that big a deal, but they found out during my first surgery that its location makes it inoperable and...it's not that I absolutely can't get pregnant..." She lost the battle and hated herself for it. "I'm either sleeping with you or crying in front of you," she sobbed.

Nathan held her close and shifted their bodies so they slid further under the comforting water. "It doesn't change my mind about a thing," he said gently. "When we come to that point, we'll have options." He said "when" and not "if" and he didn't correct himself. He kissed her forehead and felt her body relax. "You didn't think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?" She shook her head. Nathan licked his lower lip, then words came without hesitation. "Sometimes it just takes the right sort of chemistry between two people. The actual physical chemistry as well as everything else...and I have the feeling that we're extremely compatible."

Sydney smiled and the tears were gone. Nathan was so completely different from what she was used to. It wasn't that David lacked compassion, he simply didn't have as much of it, and John evidently faked it. She snuggled against his wet chest again and swirled her finger around his belly button, causing him to laugh. "Maybe you should have gone the route of guidance counselor instead of principal. You are extremely effective at talking away worries."

"That's a story for another time, Syd."

"Awww," she whined. "There's a story?"

"Can't give everything away in one day, can I? You've already learned that I'm handy around the house..."

"I learned something else too," she whispered.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Mm hm," she giggled. "Since you seem to think our chemistry may be exemplary, I learned that you're going to start to carry condoms in your wallet again – for a sound mind - like high school." She kissed his neck. "Only I promise they won't ever have enough time to leave the impression of a ring in the leather."

He shook his head, smiling. "We're in a sudsy tub, all nice and clean, and yet you manage to be such a dirty girl."

"Well, I guess that's my not so secret secret for today." She kissed him. "I promise I'm done being such a mess around you."

"Don't promise that, honey. Love is accepting someone, even at their messiest." He smiled at her, and his tone changed to match the look on his face. "I mean, you might push the limits from time to time..."

She splashed him. "Oh just you wait," she laughed. "You haven't seen me cry during a movie yet - I can get completely inconsolable."

"I accept the challenge."