Ranaita

Ch. 49

-Ranaita's P.O.V.-

Issy's wedding is today. I thought I would've remembered everything by now, but no such luck. It's been a painful month of not understanding life and I only have a short time left before Laurell and I go off to Harvard together.

Getting dressed in my maid of honor dress is overwhelming. It doesn't fit like it did the day I had it fitted. It's noticeably bigger and that's my own fault. Now, it's my own fault that people will see that I've not been eating much.

Cadey's been trying to get me to eat. Funnily enough, he's the only one who's sensed that my eating habits were off at home. The lads have been busy with the new album and getting ready for more interviews and magazine shoots. My work mates are to busy in the hustle and bustle of the many incoming clients to pay attentions to the fact of whether I take lunch or not. In fact, they probably think I don't take my breaks because of how busy we are. Maurie and Dani flew off to Paris a couple of weeks ago for a romantic getaway and I don't blame them. They're still in the honeymoon stage and it won't last long, so, take advantage of it.

As I was saying, Cadey has tried to force me to eat things. He's made strange mixtures of my favorite things to get me to eat, but I don't even give into the adorableness that is my son.

I'm depressed, or so I think. I might even have an eating disorder, but I don't want to. Therefore, I don't get myself tested. I haven't told anyone about my suicidal thoughts or my anorexia. No one knows how horrible and dark my mind has been since the day I was left with Caderyn.

It's not because of Cadey. No, God no. It's because of how his 'parents' left him. It's because of how I know that Tala is going to be abused to death. It's because I am hurting Liam day by day and each compliment he silently gives me makes my heart flutter, but I still don't remember him. It's because I'm slowly relieving the last days of my Giri's life.

She had forgotten the most important people in her life before she drifted away in her sleep. She unraveled, and now I am unraveling, too. As I tried to pull her back, my friends attempt the same. It's not working. Sometimes I remember little things, but nothing that fully turns this situation around.

The only thing I live for is Cadey. I love my friends, but they wouldn't miss me too much if I disappeared. Not if I disappear the way that I am. With a horrible memory and the distance I've been keeping between everyone.

I've been closing myself off slowly, so that, in case I actually decide to give into temptation, no one would miss me too much. Everyone asks me to hang out or if they can come over and help with my memory. I say yes every once in a while to keep them from any sort of suspicions, but I usually turn them down.

Today is the first day that I have actually been out of the house other than work since that day with Cadey. I don't mind, though. I made a promise to be Issy's maid of honor when I was maybe 8 years of age and I can't break a promise. It's just not something I do.

"It is okay, Rainy. Kelsey is too big for her dress. You ladies can switch out." Issy informed me and I nodded, slipping off the dress. I handed it over to Kelsey and she handed me hers.

Kelsey had her baby two weeks ago and my God-child took a lot of the pregnancy weight with her when she came out. She was a hefty 10 pounds and 2 ounces. Kelsey lost a bunch of weight after the pregnancy though from running up and down the stairs to tend to her child. I told her it wasn't a good idea to have the nursery on a separate floor, but she didn't listen. However she's still bigger than she was before she conceived the child. Now her dress is too small for her and just might fit me.

I tried on the dress and it was a better fit than mine, but still a bit big. I found some safety pins and hid them within the dress as I pinned it tighter. The sparkly blue fabric draped off of my steady sized bust effortlessly and I looked perfect. My hair's in an up-do that held an array of tight curls. Small, crystal butterfly pins arched over my head like a homemade headband. My make-up was done simply but to perfection, as were the other girls. However, their dresses were navy colored. Mine was a pure blue and showed off my back tattoo.