Hetalia Oneshots (Book One)

Bad Touch Trio X Reader: {Fluff}

MOTHERFUCK! I'M HORNY ON MY PERIOD AND I CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF! FUCK ME!

I'm actually on the verge of crying because of fucking Master Chef Canada, like... I'm so glad my fellow New Brunswick-er got in, but the poor farmer from Nova Scotia! Like...

***

You've been best friends with the infamous 'Bad Touch Trio' for years now, and you've learned who they really are.

In public, they put on the whole 'Bad Boy' facade, flirting, and pretty much acting like douchebags! But, hanging out with them alone, they're probably the biggest dorks anyone will ever meet.

You guys watch awful horror movies, play stupid ass video games, such as Dance Dance Revolution, and other dumb shit like that.

They're actually, really great guys.

I mean, when you first met them, you were on the verge of slaughtering them. Francis and Gil flirted non-stop, teasing you constantly. Antonio never really did anything, except for a few goofy pranks. He, you could put up with.

And then came the day that you punched Gilbert in the face.

You hadn't REALLY meant to, and you're not a very violent person, but he really got out of hand that day. You were listening to your professor, trying as hard as you could to keep up with his fast paced talking.

Then, Gilbert was poking your side, whispering for your attention. It was getting really hard to listen to Mr. Yao's lesson.

After five minutes of endless poking, and multiple twists on how to say your name, you turned to him and decked him as hard as you could...

Naturally, Mr. Yao got mad and forced you to walk him to hisdorm.

About half way there, Gil started getting nervous, saying he could walk back himself. You didn't listen, and to this day, you still don't regret your decision.

Once outside of his dorm room, you could hear muffled music, which immediately made you curious. Gil had tried really hard to stop you from going in... you didn't listen. I mean duh, why would you?

You went into the room, a very nervous, paler than usual, Gil begging you not too. You REALLY don't regret not listening.

Francis and Antonio were dancing on their coffee table, decked out in feather boa's and giant wooden spoons, singing along to Wannabe... yes, the Spice Girls song.

And that's how this wonderful friendship started, you rolling on the floor with laughter, Francis and Antonio frozen in shock and Gilbert beet red, face paling at the fact they'd been caught.

~

"Yo dudette! Quit spacing out bro!" You jolt out of your thoughts, giving Alfred an apologetic smile.

"Sorry Alfie, just thinking some stuff over!" With a bored shrug, he goes back to setting up his new sound system.

Yes, Alfred's having a party. It's to celebrate the end of another long year of University.

Alfred managed to guilt you into helping him set up the party. You're not even sure if you're gonna stay... You already have plans with Gilly, Toni and Francis.

You almost scream as Alfred places his hand on your shoulder... you might have maybe zoned out a little... Turning to him, you smile shyly. He looks nervous, or maybe worried...

"Um... can I ask you something dudette?"

His voice is shaking lightly, and he's refusing to look you straight in the eyes. I mean... since he's started dating Arthur, he can't do anything straight... *Badum Tss*

"Sure, whatever you want, brohas."

Fidgeting with his hands, he looks at you, a faint blush on his face.

"Don't get mad or anything dudette... but is Antonio actually a pedophile?"

Your jaw drops as you stare at him, confusion flooding your mind. Do people really think that?

"Oh, oh, oh! Has Francis raped anyone you know? Has Gilbert tried to feel you up yet?"

Nose wrinkling up, you look at Alfred with disgust.

"What the fuck?"

The blond shrugs, waiting for an answer from you.

"Do people really think that about them? That's terrible! They would never do that, they're good guys!" Alfred scoffs, rolling his eyes at you.

"Sure they are. What did they do, brainwash you or something?"

Clenching your jaw, your glare at the American.

"What the fuck Alfred!? They are!"

The blond shrugs again.

"You know what! You're an asshole Alfred!"

You shove him, storming quickly out of his living room, to the front door.

How dare he?! Those three idiots are the best guys in the world, and they would never, ever, do any of those terrible things!

Shoving the front door ooen, you freeze as you hear a very girly screech, and the sound of somebody falling into bushes. That's soon followed by a very familiar laugh.

Francis is standing only a few inches from the door... that had probably nearly smashed him in the face.

The 100% manly scream, that had come from Antonio, who fell into a few bushes trying to avoid the door, and the laugh is Gilbert laughing his ass off at a very shocked looking Toni.

You honestly can't help but giggle yourself.

You really can't stay angry with those three near you.

Francis rolls his eyes at the now bickering Antonio and Gilbert, throwing his arm dramatically over your shoulder, sighing.

"See what I have to put up with, mon amour?"

He shakes his head in mock disappointment, leading you to a waiting car.

Gilbert rushes over to you and Francis, linking arms with you, while Toni clings to you, arms wrapping around your waist.

The albino leans in, going to kiss your cheek, but a certain Spaniard stops him, flicking the back of his head.

"Hey! Vhat zhe hell Toni? I missed my frau!" Antonio laughs gently, flicking Gil again.

"Don't touch the poor chica, stupid."

That comment causes another argument to flare up between the two, sending small insults back and forth, all while clinging to you.

Giggling lightly, you lean into Francis, who smiles lovingly at you, kissing the top of your head. You can't help but smile at the affection... and at Gilly and Toni's stupid argument over you.

These idiots... they're so lucky you love them. 

***

I'm kind of proud, even if the end didn't turn out how I wanted. Oh well! I hope you enjoyed!

Up Next:

Romano X Dead! Reader: Too Soon

Dark! Russia X America: {Lemon}