Fifty Reasons to Stay (Book Three)

Chapter Five- Family

(Donnie's POV)
11.22.18
My dear, sweet, Leo. I wish you weren't so sad. I wish you knew that us leaving the city was a good thing. We're going to be alright. I wish you would talk to me about the things that are hurting you instead of bottling them up. Honey, we're going to be alright. We have each other. We're a family now. Nobody from your past can hurt you anymore... I promise.
Yours,
Donatello
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The day after Leo left was spent doing some late spring cleaning around the house. My bedroom didn't need to be cleaned but I did it anyway. Leo is very tidy, and everything that belongs to him is spotless.

It's the kids' rooms and the living room that need the most attention. I slept in, and this was my way of punishing myself. Andrew was nearly finished with school for the year and I went ahead and pulled him out. Maybe I'd take him back there in the fall, but maybe not. It wasn't that great for him.

I jolted awake at 12:30 and panicked, racing down the hall and checking on the baby. She was playing with her dollhouse. I picked her up, kissing her head. "I am so sorry. I don't know what got into me.. bad night of sleep I guess."
She looked up at me and shrugged, babbling as if to say: Don't worry about it, man. I'm fine.
I was about to go into Andrew's room but I heard him talking to himself as he always did while playing and decided not to interrupt.

Setting Teresa in her high chair, I served her lunch, still scolding myself. If Leo was there I wouldn't have slept in that late. Because he got up every single morning at 6:15. I always listened to his alarm go off, felt the bed shift to one side and listened to the shower turn on. But since he hadn't been there, I had no reason to get up.

She munched on the cereal (?) I'd gotten out of the refrigerator (?) while I began cleaning. Raph and Mikey were supposed to show up today, but judging by the dark black clouds overhead, that wouldn't be happening. They'd never put their baby at risk.

I wish he would call me. I wish he'd bring a big bouquet of roses home no matter how cheesy he might think that is. I wish he'd come home right now and be smiling and kiss me.
I wish he would kiss me.
~~
Late in the afternoon the storm got bad enough to make me get paranoid and tell the kids to come into the basement with me. Just to be safe.. you know? I was scared.
I wanted Leo to be there and hold me, protect us all from the storm.
Jesus Christ, when did I become such a wimp?
About 32 years ago.

I ended up dozing off on the couch in the basement after the power went out. The silence was somewhat comforting, it gave me time to think, time to be at peace just for a moment.

To tell you the truth I was really worried about what Leo was up to in Seattle. I had a dream the night before that he and some lady were in bed together.
~~
I didn't think Leo was going to come home that night, so he obviously really surprised me. Raph and Mikey showed up at 9:30 pm and went straight to the guest bedrooms in the basement. It'd been a long ride.
Once I was alone in my bedroom again I felt tears springing into my eyes. Why? I don't.. even.. know..
Sometimes when I'm left alone to think about what a complete and utter failure I am I just start to cry. Well, I wander in front of a mirror, and then I cry.

So naturally I walked into the master bathroom and undressed with the intent to take a shower and had a really good look at myself. If Leo left me for a woman I wouldn't blame him because I looked like a zombie and crap  had a baby and it is not pretty.

I'm not pretty. I'm not handsome. I'm not beautiful. I'm not hot. I'm not even remotely pleasant looking.
Stretching the skin that was starting to poke out in my belly area I burst into tears, leaning against the sink. But was I done yet? No.