Fifty Reasons to Stay (Book Three)

Chapter Forty Nine- Stand

(Donnie's POV)
I don't know how to respond properly when he comes into my room just three nights after I say my first words. Had it only been three days? It felt like an eternity and I hadn't spoken to him since, but I think he didn't want to hear my voice.
Leo is sitting by my bed once again, looking over some homework he was sent. His hair is ruffled and he's wearing a gray teeshirt.

I stare at him for a while, trying to get his attention by moving the little I can, but he doesn't look up. I'll have to talk.
It takes me a few minutes to construct what I'm going to say and even longer to get a single word out. "Leo."
There we go. He immediately looks up from his work, putting it on the table. He scoots his chair closer to me and takes both my hands. "Yes? What is it?"

I want to say so many things. Mostly that I'm sorry and I'm not sure I want to move back in with him. Of course I still love him, but perhaps we could use some time apart to solve our differences. I want the old Leo back. The one that took me out for romantic evenings and asked me on dates as if we weren't married, but I knew he was gone.

Leo looks away now, certain I couldn't get my words out. But I am still determined to give him some sort of hope. And I do. I grab him by his shirt collar while he's off guard, close my eyes tight and bring my lips to his. I know his eyes are wide open for a moment as he tries to figure out just what the heck I'm doing, but ultimately he melts into it, gently cupping my cheeks the way he always does. I pull away after a minute because I can give no more. My face is burning red. His cheeks have just a dash of pink.
My sleeping pill starts kicking in, but I look at him while I fall asleep, squeezing his hand until I can't stay awake anymore.

When I open my eyes again, I believe he's still there because I feel a hand holding mine. I smile, way too drugged on painkillers to even look at him. He takes his jacket off while saying something and then I fall asleep again before I even realize what he said, or that it wasn't Leo.

And I didn't know why I was undressed when I woke up in the morning or why the blanket was on the floor, but I was shivering terribly. That much I remember.
It was Saturday morning and Leo came in, immediately fussing over me. "How'd you get your clothes off? And why?" He slipped the hospital robe back on me. "Donnie?"

I smiled innocently and shrugged, only a little embarrassed. "Oops."
"Well... keep your pants on, dear. The nurse was about to come in and she would've had quite the surprise."

Now I know why I was undressed. Leo might've thought it was funny at the time or even cute, but if he'd known the truth, if I had known, things would've been quite different that morning.

But why me? I'm not really attractive. I look like someone from a stock photo. Average. Blending in. Unnoticeable. My skin is white and my hair and eyes are brown. Nothing stands out.

Then there's my brother with his jock muscles and tan and gorgeous wavy blond hair that all the girls just looooove, and his charming personality that reels them in. He's got a perfect body, for a girl's needs anyway.

Me on the other hand, I'm just something for Leo to cum in without the risk of pregnancy. Not like he's getting pleasure from the other thing I have. He barely notices.

So, clearly Raph was delusional and needed to be set straight. Well, not straight, he's gay. But you get my point.

Leo's not really gay. He says he's pansexual, but to be honest I find he's really mostly attracted to women. Women on TV arouse him more than I ever could. But I don't blame him for that. Those girls are beautiful and curvy and I'm just boring and bitchy. Did I mention I'm a huge nag? Well, I wasn't when we first got married. I wanted to be perfect for him and I was sweet and patient all the time, made breakfast and dinner for him and tried to always look my best. Then after a few months I rarely got out of my nightclothes or brushed my hair and the only breakfast he got was a bowl of cereal and for dinner maybe carryout or McDonald's. I let my guard down with him and let him see everything I was, both good and bad. And the ugly. And I am very ugly to be honest. Well... I don't feel ugly all the time, and I know sometimes I look at least a little presentable because of how Leo looks at me.