Fifty Reasons to Stay (Book Three)

Chapter Ten- Hurt

(Donnie's POV)
10.4.18
I love you. I love you more than anything. Never forget that.

I never will. I love you too.
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I woke up from yet another nightmare, head aching as it always did. "Leo.." I whined, holding my head. It was getting worse. The treatment was taking forever... some days I was too weak to even climb the stairs. The surgery was just a week away. Could I survive until then?
"I'm right here.." He said softly, gently pulling me into his hold.
I listened to his steady heartbeat, eyes filling with tears. "I don't want to die.. I want to stay here with you..." I cried into his chest.
Leo wrapped his arms around me, kissing my temple. "You're not going to die... you're going to live a very long time. We're both going to be old and travel the world together some day. It's not your time.."
"How do you know when it is your time?" I whispered, glancing up at his beautiful eyes.
"Well, you'll be very old and I guess God will come down and take you. But I hope I go first.. I need you."
I squeezed his hand, headache going away. "You really think I'll be okay?"

"As long as I'm here to help you, nothing will ever go wrong."
"You're the best, Leo.." I closed my eyes again, drifting back to sleep.
He pulled the blanket up over my shoulders, watching me. "I'm really not."
~~
I put the knife down on the counter, frustrated tears streaming down my cheeks. He needed me seven years ago, but not anymore...

Fiddling with the silver watch I always wore, our initials engraved in it, I debated on whether or not to take it off. But it'd been with me for ten years. I loved it. It hurt to look at, but I couldn't take it off. It reminded me of when things made sense. Nope! Stop thinking about him. Stop.

Remember to breathe, and don't think of anything else. Nothing else is important right now.
The only thing that's important is my two children...
forget me.
I know everyone in the house heard. I know people on the other side of the country might've heard.

After he closed the door, Andrew hurried into the bathroom and came back with a wet washrag, cleaning the blood off of me.
I smiled slightly and let him. "You're such a good kid.."
"Well, Leo said if he ever was gone I had to take care of you." Andrew said a little bitterly (for a seven year old) before getting an ice pack from the small fridge. "Keep this over your eye." He said.
I could see him becoming a doctor.
I nodded and closed my eyes, face sore.

"Are you and Da... I mean Leo.. gonna get divorced?" He asked quietly, hugging my arm.
"I don't know what he wants to do.. I don't want to. But if he does I don't have a choice." I ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head. "Thank you for taking care of me, kid."
He tried to be brave and fought back tears, hugging me again.

I heard Mikey walk up the stairs, and I knew he stood outside the door for a moment, listening in on the conversation. He didn't know Leo hurt me, he just knew we argued.

"Andrew.. please don't say anything to Uncle Raph or Mikey about this. Okay?"

He nodded. "I promise."
~~
I couldn't face anyone after this...
I was humiliated, completely destroyed and heartbroken at the thought of my Leo wanting to hurt me like this.
He just wouldn't stop. And then I had to go and hurt him- I didn't mean to- I just had to get him away! Could I get in trouble for defending myself?

I squeezed my good eye shut and tried to think clearly. What did I do to make him hurt me...
All I ever did was love him.
Before this week, all those times he whispered late at night that he loved me, or in the early morning before he left for work, did he mean it?