Fifty Reasons to Stay (Book Three)

Chapter Fifteen- Suicide

Hi. It's me. Red. The writer person that puts the stories together for Donnie and Leo. Heh...
Donnie's not exactly.. in the best shape to tell the next part.. so he's asked that I relay the message onto you lovely children. So, don't mind me. I'm going to type exactly what he told me. Oh- and he didn't want to narrate anymore. Still trying to get him back on this project. Anyway-

It hurts. It burns like a thousand stabs to the heart, the hottest fire engulfing you, and you are stuck, powerless in the very center with every memory surrounding you, screaming at you in a mocking tone. When you love someone more than yourself, when you promised yourself over and over again you'd spend the rest of your life with him.
And then it shows up in your email.
You don't have to be a lawyer to understand terminology. To understand why Leo's signature was on the paper scanned through. He signed for a divorce.
A divorce.
Donnie didn't know why, of course he wouldn't know why. He had no idea that Leo didn't even want to sign the papers, but Karai got him drunk. That's when he agreed to sign it.

One, two, three. Swallow them. You want to die.

He knew Leo would be back in a few hours, bringing Andrew home from his week away. School started the next day.

Today was Donatello's 33rd birthday, but who cared? It wasn't as if he had anyone to celebrate with. He felt disgusting at the moment.

Donnie kissed his baby on the top of her head and put her in her crib. She'd fallen asleep again after waking up early. He knew he'd never see her awake again. She'd never see him again.
"Don't you ever stop being sweet, princess..."

Four, five, six, swallow them. You want to die.

Why did Leo want a divorce? It broke his heart. No, it shattered it. He felt it pounding in his chest and our beloved Donnie finally gave up. The children would be happier with Leo anyway. He had the money, the cool houses and yachts and planes. Donnie had nothing to his name, not even inheritance. He was jobless and only made a little bit of money doing something so absolutely degrading... Leo would laugh if he knew....He'd been dependent on Leo since they married since Leo was the only person who cared about him. Everyone else saw him as he was.
Stupid, ugly, worthless, a disappointment, someone who threw their life away just for some boy who no longer cared.

Seven, eight, nine, ten... Swallow them. You want to die.

Donnie slowly went into his bedroom. Sitting on the bed he closed his eyes. Now or never.

Leo wanted this. He wanted Donnie out of his life, right? That's what a divorce was. And here was Leo's wish being granted.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen.. fifteen...

Don't do this! Please don't do this! A million voices screamed in his head. Donnie had been fighting off the thought of killing himself for months. He wasn't strong enough to ignore it anymore.

His hands reached for the phone, dialing Leo's number. Stop it. Stop it. He doesn't want you.
He fought with himself, quickly hanging up.
Donnie, you're better than this. You're better than this.

He looked around his bedroom and opened his top drawer, taking out a knife.

"Do you take this man as your husband.. for better or worse, in sickness and in health.. As long as you both shall live...?"

He held it to himself, trembling.

"I do."