little miss popular

•••

and still in the same day (as last chapter)

we were listening to people give examples for something in class (i don't remember, cut me some slack) and all of the examples were just sO BAD and/or made no sense

aND HE SAYS: "has everyone always been this demented?"

"well kinda, i hate everyone in this school."

and this annoying little shit near us butts into our conversation (again, i don't know what they said, and i'm changing their name for purposes of this story) so i just snap and say:

"you know that was directed at you, chelsea"

and out of no where, he just says:

"that's okay, i hate myself too."

my heart sank because that was certainly not directed at him, but he didn't know that. He couldn't know about any of this.

we keep talking and eventually he says something that makes me smile.

he stops and stares at me before saying:

"stop. stop smiling. you're not allowed to smile. you hate everyone in this school. stop."

i look up at him and he's got this wide grin on his face while repeating the words "stop smiling"

and i'm biting my lip trying hard not to smile but eventually i let out a giGGLE

i was so embarrassed, i buried my bright red face in my sweater paws

**********

i had to be festive because i was in a presentation for the incoming high schoolers and it was around christmas time, so i was wearing a festive sweater (obvs, cause i just said i had sweater paws) and knee-high festive elf socks.

he eventually resorts to looking around the room because i had become too flustered to form a coherent sentence, and he looks down to see the elf socks.

"do your socks seriously have buttons on them?"

"well, yeah... i had to be festive today because of earlier and i put them on this morning but regretted it as soon as i arrived at the school and i, um..."

"cute."

************

the shipping teacher decides to a shitload of homework, so everyone starts complaining and she tells us it won't take longer than a half hour (which was absolute bullshit, by the way)

and i hear him mumble:

"yeah, that's a half hour that i could be jerking off"

and i start laughing and covering my face with the sweater paws again

and he turns to me and says

"you didn't hear that, did you?"

"i mo-st c-certainl-y di-d tha-ats why i'm lau-g-hing!"

apparently our teacher decides that our homework motivation will be that we get to pick groups for a project on monday if everyone does the homework

he starts laughing like i just was and says

"she actually thinks that i'm going to do my homework?!"

he calms himself down, and then starts rationalizing.

"i would but i've lost all motivation. like, since i turn 18 in may, i just don't really give a shit anymore"

and me being the mess that i am, i respond with:

"i dont really have motivation either... actually, my motivation is like, fear, which is so stupid. cause like, something tells me that if i don't get something done, i'll come in the next day and like, die or some shit. it's so stupid and irrational."

and he just kinda looks at me but doesnt say anything.

and then the bell rings.

wow he made me smile today,

a lot.