little miss popular

•••

so i thought today was the second-to-last day that he was in class

we got split up into different groups for the majority of the class period, so we didn't get to talk much

when i walked in, i went to grab my journal, along with his, but his wasn't in there.

i went to our desks and said "i would have gotten yours, but it wasn't in there. sorry."

"thanks. means a lot. it's in my bag."

the flirt asks him for the answer to the warm-up, and he tells her "i'm not sure yet, i just wait until she's done," he said pointing at me. "Give me about 30 seconds and then i can pretend i'm smart."

he is smart though, he just doesn't want to do the work to show it. basically, he gives no fucks.

"now the pressures on, sorry" he whispers to me.

he talks a little louder now, making it a little obvious to the flirt, but still talking to me

"but you really love me katherine, right?"

uM did he just asK THAT?!

"...hm?"

"you love me?"

you have no idea, but i gotta play it cool

"sure." a blush crept up my face as i returned to my work, but i didn't miss the sight of his big smile.

he didn't have a pencil today, and didn't ask for one, leaving him to use his fingers to brush against my leg and surprise me again.

"don't worry. i didn't forget."

that smirk, woW

conveniently for him, the answer to the do-now was the phrase "hands-on experiment".

he leans over to me with the biggest smile, brushes my leg again and says "i'd like to think that this is a 'hands-on experiment'."

i blush, mumbling "ohmygod" and covering my face with sweater paws.

and since we were separated for groups, we didn't really talk more

but every time i was standing and he walked by to put something away or get something, he brushed his finger lightly on my upper thigh as he passed by

once it came quite close to my butt

and i took in a sharp breath

he's affecting me so much

why am i letting him do this to me

i could literally honestly report him for sexual harrassment

but i havent

because i don't want him to be in trouble

and i don't want him to stop

oops

so

anYWAY

at the end of class, when the teacher yelled at us to sit at our desks and not crowd the door, and we return to our desks.

he picks up a paperclip and starts lightly drawing little swirls and lines on my thigh, elbow and on my neck before purposely dropping it down my shirt

i tried discreetly fishing around my back for the paperclip

i couldn't find it, and it hadn't fallen out.

"thanks. it's stuck in my bra."

"well, that wasn't my intention."

"whatever. i'll find it in 9th period gym."

he smiled

the bell rings, and as we're walking out, i ask when he's leaving.

"uh, next week... this week... i don't really know yet. i'm just planning to stop coming into school one day and have everyone say 'is jake gonna come back?' 'nah, he's not coming back for the rest of the year'. bye-bye, katherine."

even though he just told me some alarming news (the fact that he could leave at any moment without telling me, and i would have no idea and never see him again), the little 'bye-bye' at the end made me hug my books and smile as i veered away to my locker.

a friend who was watching over the whole exchange saw my smile and she yelled down the hallway

"you disgust me, katherine."

and even if she was slightly joking, it still hurt because people actually say that kind of stuff and are serious about it and

it was loud enough for him to hear.

now that there's physical contact, everyone is against this whole thing except one friend, who's in another country.

i feel like everyone thinks this whole thing is wrong

but he makes me happy

i don't get why that's such a big deal since there's an age gap

god

i'm gonna go google if this is a phobia now.

*googles*

okay i'm back

it's not a legit thing with a name

whatever

i just

i really wish people would just leave me be

and i

don't want him to leave.