little miss popular

•••

he's mad

he's decided to start being a fucking dick

so

one day i was missing an assignment and i asked my teacher to fix the grade because i turned it in and it was bringing my overall grade down to a 93

which ik isn't bad, it's an A, but i was getting almost all 100's on easy class assignments, which is the only stuff she's put in the gradebook so far

and he steps into my conversation with the teacher by rolling his eyes and saying:

"well look at you, little miss overachiever."

and i know that to you, just reading the words, it might seem like he was joking

but you didn't hear the way he spat out the words in a rude tone

that made me angry

but he hurt me more.

trying to ignore him and stop talking to him was supposed to be less pain than getting close to him again before he decides to leave

but idk that it's working

so the day after, i walk into class and my teacher is rambling about some extra credit.

(keep in mind that i immediately mentally decided i didn't want to do because it was too much work and i just didn't feel like it)

i sit down at my desk and without even looking at me, he decides to open his mouth again, like the day before, and say:

"well i bet your blonde ass is gonna do it, miss 'i have a 100 in this class and no one can take that away from me'!"

i cannot believe that he said that

and he spat it in a horrific tone again

in the moment, i felt tears in my eyes but i refused to allow them to roll down my face

because i didn't want to give him a reaction

and it hurt so much

because this boy

who filled me with so much happiness previously

is now attacking me

on purpose

thinking about it now, it makes me more angry than upset

but i know that i still like him

and it's not healthy

i haven't texted him though

and i went to tatinof two days ago, which made me completely forget about him

until around 3:30 today, when i had to help clean up around train tracks

that i see him on all the time

that i had never been on until today

and it was actually kinda peaceful there, but it made me think of him again

but i've had a lot more self-control when it comes to him and feelings towards him

and i'm slowly and painfully getting over him

(i think)

i'm just wondering why he got so rude with me suddenly

is it because i've been ignoring him?

because that's not a good excuse; see, he was the one who led me on first and then backed away from me as he told me he wasn't used to talking to people and he basically wasn't interested because i'm only 15 and he's 18

so that's not a good excuse

and i just don't understand

it's not like i hurt him

it's the other way around, whether he knows that he hurt me or he doesn't know that.

was he actually interested, and now my ignorance of conversation is hurting him?

because that wouldn't make sense either; if he actually liked me, why would he back away and then bring up a tiny age gap?

so why is he doing this?

why did i allow myself to have feelings?

also, he was supposed to leave like, almost 3 weeks ago, so why is he still here?

(he says he needs a cpr certificate or card or something and that's why he hasn't left yet but idk)

whatever

he's made me feel emotions

a lot