little miss popular

•••

i had a great dream last night

i slept very well

i don't remember exactly what happened, but i remember that i was with him

i also remember that we held hands

a lot

with our fingers laced together; his hands felt firm and protective but gentle and calming at the same time

my actual hand feels like it held his

but it was a dream, so i don't know why my hand feels like that

and i also don't understand why i can vividly remember what his hand felt like in mine when i've never actually held his hand

whatever, it's kinda weird

but so am i

oh well

so

some people that i talk to read the last chapter and i got some comments on it that were like a jab in the throat

"that's so creepy and weird, i cannot believe you liked it"

"why would you let him touch you?! i would have slapped him; that's weird."

and others along the same line

yes, i get it

it's not typical

but there's nothing wrong with me, right?

it was a mechanical pencil

lightly drawing on me

it felt relaxing

(i mean, it also gave me chills and made me blush, but that's because it was him)

i don't understand why almost everyone is against the idea of him and me

even like, talking seems to be weird to some people at school that have met him

because his nickname is "scary"

that's so stupid

yes, he says some weird thing sometimes

yes, they might be extremely inappropriate

but he's joking, he does it for shock value

and most people don't have a dark and/or racy sense of humor

so they take everything seriously

but i don't

i know he's joking

and he makes me smile and laugh so much

he makes me so unbelievably happy without even trying

and everyone is against that because of the age difference

and because of some of the things he says

but i don't understand why the gap is a big deal

i'm 15

and he turns 18 in three days (which is the same day he's leaving)

it's three years

if we weren't in high school, it wouldn't matter at all, i can guarantee it

but we are in high school

and other people are making such a big deal

i may be 15 but i'm not stupid

i would never like, let him do stuff

(and honestly, even if i wanted it to happen, he's leaving in three days so it wouldn't happen; also, once he's 18, it's illegal)

he just makes me so happy, for fucks sake, why does everyone hate that so much?

i just

i like him

a lot