little miss popular

•••

it's 12:41 am on a saturday night

(well technically sunday morning but whatever)

i'm crying

how could i be so stupid

why couldn't i just open my fucking mouth and ask

i'm so selfish

i bitch all the time about how nothing will ever happen

and i had a chance

and i was too scared to talk to him first

let alone ask about the candy grams

it was the first and only time that i've ever been scared of "scary"

i cannot believe people call him scary.

anyway

i'm just so upset over this whole thing

and mostly so unbelievably angry at myself

honestly

i give up

i don't deserve it

i've complained so much and done nothing

made him do everything

maybe that's why my friend saw him making out with a blonde in the hallway about a month after i got the candy grams

maybe that's why he got himself a girlfriend

i think that i overthink

a lot

but at this point:

i wish i'd never met him

because i'm such a mess