little miss popular

•••

i've fucked up more

i didn't think that was possible, since there's nothing left going on

but i made it worse

so

in class, he came in saying that apparently he's allowed to leave whenever

but he stayed in school all day so idk what he was doing... saying goodbye? i guess? idk

a guy in our class asked for his number so he could text him sometime when he leaves

(sounds kinda familiar, right?)

and he says: "i probably won't text much, but sure."

a pang of emotions and pain hit my chest and began to swell up

he's really leaving

i was about to cry in the middle of english about this boy who won't even look at me anymore

but it's my fault

so, as i walk out of english, the board says
'(his name) is my daddy rawr XD'

which i know he wrote, and i laugh at it but it reminded me of him and the incident with the number

so i walked in the hallway with my friend and started talking, quite loudly, saying that "i almost started fucking crying in the middle of class when that (the number incident) happened."

she asked me why

i got frustrated because i honestly didn't know and got even louder so that i was nearly shouting now

"i don't know, okay?! i just... FUCK!"

my friend turns around to look for someone

and directly behind us

was

him

she turned around so fast and whispered to me

"katherine, he's right behind us."

i glanced behind me for about a milisecond and stole a glance at the tall boy with the gauges that usually makes me smile

we get to my locker and i hit my head against it and my friend said

"you were quite loud"

"I KNOW"

we walked to her locker

"he probably heard that"

"there's no way he didn't hear that... fucKfuCKfUCKFUCK"

and i started crying, for real this time

"awW katherine!! don't cry! don't cry!"

why am i so jealous when i'm the one who hurt him for having an opinion about age while trying to protect myself from feelings?