*A Nobody* *n.h.* -Finished-

Go Back Home

-Natalie

I sat on the beach and listened to the waves crashing on the sand. Everything here was so peaceful and calming and those are two things I’ve been in need of for the last few months.

I don’t know why I am the way I am but sometimes I wish I could go back in time to the night I met Niall and instead of him saving me, have him just let me go.  I don’t think I’m supposed t be here anymore with the way people are.

Don’t get me wrong, Niall and the other boys are amazing and I haven’t taken a day for granted while I’m with them but I just can’t handle life anymore. Everything is pushing me down as I’m striving to stand up.

That night at the Kentucky concert something changed when fans saw me backstage it was like being home all over again; being bullied by Clara again. The names they were screaming were much worse than anything I’ve ever been called but they each made a new blow to my self-esteem.

I did some things that night that I promised I wouldn’t do again. I had no other option when the words were buzzing over again in my head as I sat alone of the cold bathroom floor. The blood just made everything so much easier; I felt in control of it but in reality I am not in control.

I’m not the girl who is bubbly and fun anymore, I’m keeping to myself and hardly talking anymore and I know that the boys have noticed the difference. The hard part is hiding everything from the boys when you live on a bus, that isn’t really that big, with them.  The amount of times I thought I was caught you couldn’t even count on one hand.

I’m always being careful with it now, doing it whenever they are at concerts or if they are asleep. Niall and Louis, though, they are always the ones who almost catch me. I think they know that something is up but just don’t want to know what.

“Excuse me? Are you okay?” I jumped at the little voice behind me. Turning around I came faced with a girl with brownish blonde hair and hazel eyes. She looked to be around my age but was somewhat short but was really pretty. She had a tan on her and her highlight hair was almost down to her chest.

“Yeah, just thinking.” I replied in a small voice. I was hardly sure if she heard me until she asked me if I wanted to talk. I shook my head.  “It’s kind of a hard subject.” She gave me a confused nod, like she was okay with it but was trying to figure out what was bothering me.

“Oh, well if you want to talk I’m staying in the house right there. I’m Delilah by the way.” I hadn’t noticed that she had walked closer to me until she was holding her hand out for me to shake it.

“Thank you, I’m Natalie.” I shook her hand and patted the spot next to me encouraging her to sit down. I don’t know why but for some reason she seemed genuinely nice. I was possibly putting myself up for destruction again with trying to let people in but she didn’t seem like the type to be cruel.  “I’m staying in the one beside you so I guess we’ll see each other a lot then.”  I wasn’t sure where that came from but I was smiling whenever I told her. 

In the time frame that we talked I found out a little bit more about her.  She was exactly a month younger than me; she is really sweet and fearless. She loves meeting new people and pulling pranks on them but she also is really protective of her friends and family.

We did have a few things in common like playing volleyball; I always loved playing but never did since I was always the loner. She loves soccer and track, which I’m not really a fan of either one of them but she was telling me what the games are like and the anticipation of everyone cheering for you.

“Natalie?” Niall’s voice interrupted mine and Delilah’s conversation about the ocean. Something changed when Delilah heard his voice; her eyes became wide and when she saw Niall she turned white like a ghost.

“Yeah Niall.” I answered him as I looked to see if Delilah was okay. When she looked to me she was searching my eyes.

“I just wanted to talk to you but I see you are with someone so I guess I will ask you later when you’re free?” When I saw Niall he looked sad that I was busy, which in turn made me sad.  “No it’s okay. I should probably go before my friends have to put up a missing persons report.” Delilah laughed a little as the color came back to her face. I smiled but was kind of sad that she was leaving.

She got up off the sand, after giving me a short hug, and walked up the little sand path to her beach house. Niall watched her for a second before he came over to where I was sitting and took the spot that she had just got up from.

He didn’t talk for a few minutes and it actually started to create and awkward tension between us.

“What’s up Niall?” I decided to be the one to talk first since I was never the one for tension. Niall shook his head a little then turned to me. I could see it in his eyes that something was bothering him but I was almost positive that I was the main cause of it.

“Why Natalie?” He asked me. I knitted my eyebrows together. What is he talking about?

“Why what?” I asked generally confused.

“Why in the hell do you want to go back home?”