difficult | calum hood

02

It's always the one you can't have that you want, isn't it?

Have you ever had a crush on your best friend's boyfriend? He's the one guy that's completely off limits. Even if they break up, he's a no-go area. I have, and I know for sure that I don't wish that hurt upon anyone else. Seeing them together hurt like hell, knowing that he made her happy and she, him. 

And to make matters worse? He was one of my brother's best friends. Yet again, someone you can't have. Someone who you know would be so right for you, but so wrong for your life. 

And as I lay here with my feet in Calum's lap, all of these feelings come rushing back. It makes me feel like a 13-year-old who had finally talked to her crush, it makes me feel happy and fluttery. 

However, at the back of my mind I know it's stupid. We don't get on, only because we shouldn't. He did break up with my best friend on Valentine's Day after all, and that's not something to let slide. 

She came running back to my place with mascara all down her face and her high heels in her hands. I had to stay up all night comforting her, while Ashton phoned Calum from his room to get the details. It was horrible, and all I can remember is hating every piece of Calum for three weeks straight, even though I would've done anything to have been his girlfriend. Just to experience how his hand felt in mine, to run my my fingers through his hair, to have him hold me close and whisper that he loves me. 

Sometimes I wish I had never become friends with Hollie, and then maybe I wouldn't be in this position, but then again, Calum would probably still be friends with Ash. 

But if I had the chance to go back in time and throw away my friendship with Hollie, would I? Would I sacrifice something as special as best friends for a guy? Yes, he's a very very cute guy, but would I be able to do it? Would I be able to let go? 

I don't know why I'm even worrying, the chances of me and him being together are so extremely slim it's terrifying. 

Ashton is flicking through the channels on our TV, having swapped seats with Luke to be near me after all this time. My back is rested against Ashton's side and my feet are draped across Calum's lap. When I first placed my feet on his thigh he gave me an extremely confused glare, before softening when I smiled at him and pushed my feet further into his lap. 

"Ashton, just choose something," I groan, pushing my head into his shoulder and closing my eyes. 

"I can't! We've got too much choice!" He complains, playfully pushing me off of him. I huff and sit closer to Calum, bringing my feet out of his lap and placing them on the floor, sitting beside him with my arms crossed. He suddenly goes rigid, and I'm quick to shuffle away from him. 

I had been so caught up in the fact that he was here - and single - that I had completely forgotten that the two of us aren't supposed to get along. I sit awkwardly on the middle of the couch, staring at my toes and sighing very quietly. 

"Cmon, just put on a movie or something," Michael says, looking over at Ashton who groans and passes Luke the remote. 

"You do it." He says, making eye contact with Luke. Luke nods and puts on the first thing to come on, which just happens to be Australia's Next Top Model. 

"This is more like it!" I cheer, leaning back and slightly towards Ashton, who just rolls his eyes. 

"And boring." He argues. We hear the front door open again, and the boys all look at each other hurriedly. "Mum," Ashton mouths, pushing me away from him gesturing for me to go and speak to her.