difficult | calum hood

42

Zoe 

"So you haven't even talked since you broke up?" Alice asks. We're sitting in a booth in her family's diner, both of us enjoying a plate of waffles with syrup and cream. It had become routine for me to run to her town in the morning and she would meet me by the hairdressers so we could get breakfast together.

"No, not at all. I haven't even seen him, which I suppose is helping." I sigh and take a sip of my water.

"Do you still think about him?" She asks quietly, taking a bite of her waffle.

"All the time." My voice cracks and the pain in my chest becomes unbearable, I try to hold back my tears but it gets too hard and I excuse myself quickly, running towards the toilet.

"Zoe! Wait-" Alice runs after me, bursting into the toilets and grabbing my arm. "You know what you need? You need closure. Since you haven't seen him, it's driving you crazy. You, him, and Ashton need to sit down together and talk it out."

I hadn't told her that Ashton quit the band, only that he was mad and confused. "I don't know Alice..." I sigh, closing my eyes. She leans forward and wipes away my tears, hand in me my phone and telling me to make a call.

Calum

"Oh shît, shìt - Luke she's calling!" She's calling me. I feel like screaming and crying and laughing all at once. I spin back around to face Luke and run towards him,  I throw my phone at him and he catches it and answers the call, holding the phone across to me.

"Hello?" A croaky voice come through, and I shake my head at Luke.

"You talk." I mouth, scratching the back of my neck and letting tears fall from my face. Luke argues and forces the phone into my hands. "No- Luke - oh hi..." I say quietly, my voice cracking and breaking.

"Calum," she breathes, and I can hear her crying. "Calum," she repeats, and I close my name at the sweet sound of her voice uttering my name. "I miss you..." she cries, her voice shaking.

"I miss you too baby." I sigh, wiping my eyes and smiling very slightly. "Why - why are you calling?"

She goes quiet for a moment. "Um, we need to talk. With Ashton."

"I don't think I can." I mumble, walking away from Luke. "The second I see you I'm going to start crying and I won't be able to talk, the second I see you I'm-" I cut myself off, hanging up the call and groaning in frustration. "I hung up! I had to go and screw everything up, Luke! She was trying to solve things, and I ruined it."

"You hung up on her?" Luke asks, taking my phone from me and sighing.

We walk in silence until our stomachs are rumbling in hunger, and that's when we head back to the house, just as Ashton is staggering up the drive.

"Ashton!" Luke shouts, striding towards him. Ash looks up and bursts into tears, throwing his arms around Luke and glancing over at me. "Mate, where have you been? You reek."

"I don't wanna quit!" Ashton cries out, throwing his head forward, making Luke stagger backwards. "Is it too late? Can I come back?"

"Of course you can, Calum, go get Michael up."

So I do. I run inside as Luke follows with Ashton, taking him through to the kitchen for some water and some food. I drag Michael out of bed and force him to put some more clothes on, my heart racing in my chest.

Michael is confused and annoyed I woke him up at 7:30 in the morning, slowly and warily making his way downstairs.

"Ash!" He shouts, and we all shush him as he envelopes Ashton in a hug.

"So, I think we should talk." Luke says, sitting down bedside Ashton. I hover in the doorway, and Michael grabs my elbow and pulls me closer to the three of them.

"I'll start." Ash mumbles, and his voice sounds really different. "I, I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. But I think I need to say that I overreacted and I don't want to leave the band."

"No- I should've come to you first before I started anything with your sister. I'm so sorry." I bite my lip to stop myself from crying and Ashton nods. A half smile lingers on his lips, and he takes a bite of the toast that Luke has made him.

"I mean, I still think it's weird. I'm not necessarily giving you my permission, but I suppose I can't stop you-"

"We broke up."

The air is awkward around us, and my heart heaves in my chest. "O-oh." Ashton mumbles, and Michael slaps my back in what I assume is supposed to be a supportive manner.

"It's okay..." my voice wobbles, and I look away from everyone else.

"Today was his first day out of bed." Luke says, and Ashton frowns.

"It really hurts, huh?" Ash asks, taking a drink of water.

"Yeah. More than anything." I mutter, pretending to examine my feet.

We stay in silence, Ashton slowly chewing his toast, and Michael trying to stifle a yawn. Luke shifts awkwardly on his feet and I sigh. 

"I'm okay, really." I lie, nodding at Ash. "I guess, I want to see her. But, I don't know if I could." 

She's all I really want, at all. 

Ashton slowly takes a long drink of water, looking at me over the top of the glass. "I don't know mate, but we need to do something alone. Reconnect. Tomorrow, we're going for dinner, I don't care." 

"Sure. I'll pay."

"You bet you will." He chuckles, shaking his head and wiping his hands on his jeans. "Go get some more sleep. You look terrible." 

"You can talk." I force a laugh and fake a smile, looking away briefly. 

When I wake up, Zoe is sitting at the end up my bed, her fingers rested on my shin. She slowly wipes away her tears with her free hand and stays quiet, crawling across the bed to lie beside me. "I'm still falling for you, Calum." She whispers, wrapping her arms around my bare torso. I stare down at her head of blonde hair and brush a few strands from her cheeks. My lips tremble as they press against her temple, scared to let go. "I love you." She whispers snuggling into my chest like she used to. "I don't think I'll ever get over you." She continues, and I run my hand up and down her forearm. "I don't want to get over you. I want to be allowed to love you." Her words are getting quieter and quieter, and she's shrinking further and further into my body, finding every possible way to hug me tighter. I think she's just as scared to let go as I am. We lie in silence and I play with a strand of her new shorter hair, twirling it around my finger again and again until it stays wavy. She hums against my chest, her hands rubbing my warm skin gently. "I love you baby." I sigh, closing my eyes. "I love you more." She says playfully, rolling over so she's sitting on top of me, her hair falling down her back, her nose brushed against mine. "You cliche little... but I don't think that's true."  She laughs sweetly and rests her head in the crook of my neck, and then I open my eyes for real. 

The only other person in this room is Luke, and he's half asleep at the end of our bed. When he hears me groaning and moving, he turns to face me and blinks himself awake. "You alright?" 

I sigh and touch the heated places on my body where I swear I can still feel her touch. "I'm okay." I half smile and lie back down, closing my eyes.