difficult | calum hood

39

After Calum arrives at the house later that morning, I meet him at the front door and he gives me a quick kiss. "I love you." He whispers, and I repeat, pecking his lips once more for good luck. 

"You ready?" I ask, taking his hand and squeezing it before dropping it and making my way through to the living room where Luke and Ashton are sitting. Calum follows me, and Luke is quick to exit the room. 

My heart is racing as me and Cal stand in front of Ashton, sweat beading on my forehead. 

"So, um." Calum trembles, and Ashton glares up at us expectantly. "Um, so, me and Zoe - me and your sister, we've been - we're currently..." Calum trails off and looks at Ash nervously. "We're dating. We're going out. She's my girlfriend."

Ashton stays scarily quiet before crumpling forward and hiding his eyes. "I told myself not to believe it. Why didn't you fûcking ask me?!" He whimpers, and he sounds so broken, so alone.

"I wanted to Ash, I really did, trust me-"

"No Calum. I don't fücking trust you." Ashton snaps and I cower into Calum, clutching his arm. The tension builds and I can sense Calum's panic, and my brothers anger. "Is it just sex?" He spits.

"No! I love him."

"I love her."

Ashton stares from me to Calum and inhales slowly, before sharply exhaling and clenching his fists. "Whatever. You fûcked my little sister. That's not cool." Ashton starts sweating and goes red, trying to compress his anger.

"I'm so sorry-"

"Whatever dîckhead. I can't believe you. I can't believe you had the nerve to sneak behind my back like that!" He's shouting and waving his fists around before he looks Calum straight in the eye and shakes his head.

He locks his eyes with Calum's and doesn't move a muscle for a few seconds, exhaling slowly.

"I'd like to resign from my position as drummer for 5 Seconds Of Summer."

"What?!"

"What the hell Ash?!"

Me and Calum leap towards my brother but he pushes me away and punches Cal straight in the jaw, knocking him sideways. Calum shouts in pain, clutching his face and turning towards Ash. I shriek and chase Ashton after he ran onto the street, calling after him.

"Ashton come back! We can talk about this, you can't give up." I cry, tears falling down my cheeks. This is what I've been scared of the entire time. I've torn apart their band and it's all my fault. "Ashton please!" I plead, my heart racing in my chest.

"No! Zoe I don't care how much you cry. I'm not working with him." Ashton shouts as he collapses in his car and starts the engine. There's tears running down his cheeks as well and i want to reach out to him and help him but I have no idea what to say.

"Ashton just wait - growing up, there was a reason I've always liked hanging around with you and your friends. It made me feel grown up, I felt like people took me seriously, but also, I had a crush on the tanned boy with dark hair. He made me happy and I loved being around him. I thought he had the worlds cutest smile and it broke my heart to see him with Hollie. So I apologise, I really truly do. I'm sorry this upset you, and I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. But I'm in love with Calum Thomas Hood and I have been for years."

I pant after I finish speaking, looking at Ashton hopefully. He maintains eye contact for a moment, before shaking his head and driving away.

***

Inside the house is chaos, Luke is shouting at Calum, who's crying and shaking, Michael is sitting on the floor trembling, appearing to be in denial. Everyone looks at me as I come through the door, and I shake my head and collapse beside Michael. Almost in sync, the shouting and crying continues, until Mum comes downstairs in shock.

"What's going on?" She yells, looking at Luke and Calum.

Luke is speechless, crying silently as Calum looks at my mum, the tears dribbling down his cheeks. "Oh... Ashton - he, he -"

"He quit! We lost him! Calum and Zoe ruined it all. So I fûcking thank you." Michael spits, getting up and storming past Mum, she stumbles back a little bit and looks at me as I burst into a fresh set of tears, shaking vigoursly.

Mum looks to Luke and signals for him to leave the room, which he does reluctantly, shooting Calum a look. "I'm going to give you two a minute or so alone." She says quietly, in shock.

She closes the door behind us and Calum immediately comes over to me. He wraps his arms around me and places a kiss on my forehead. "I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be. It's his decision and we pushed him to it. I'm so sorry Calum." He looks at me sadly and I sniff, nodding lightly. "Are you thinking it too?" I whisper, my voice cracking.

He nods and drags his fingers down my sides. "Yeah... I love you."

"Oh god, I don't wanna do this!" I cry, clutching his shoulder.

"I know, I know." He croaks, looking down. "I've never loved someone as much as I love you, Zo. You've given me the best 3 months of my life, and I'm so sorry for everything that ever happened before. "

I nod and look at him. "I'm going to miss you Calum. I'm going to miss having you as my best friend, my boyfriend. I'm going to miss this all. I'm going to miss us." I cry, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"There's so much I want to say, and I don't know how to do it, I'm so sorry it came to this Zoe." Calum whispers, letting go of me and leaning back slightly. I nod and look away, knowing that one of us needs to make it official. "I think we should break up."

I stay quiet and hold back my cries, the tears streaming down my cheeks. "M-me too." I stutter, turning back to face him and it breaking my heart to do so. "Sorry."

"I love you." He calls, as I get up and make my way out of the room. I look over my shoulder and smile weakly, not being able to bring myself to say it back, because if I do it's only going to make it worse.

I collapse on the stairs, panting and crying.

It's over. Something I had wanted for so long and had been privileged to finally get, something that made me so happy, it's all over.

My world feels shattered, and I feel completely broken. The pain in my chest is unbearable, and with the added weight of Ashton leaving, I've never felt worse.