difficult | calum hood

26

It's only a few seconds of shivering as the water dries and cools us down until Calum finds a bundle of blankets and spare clothes in the trunk of his car. He hands me a large fluffy blanket and a pair of brand new tartan pyjamas. 

It had gotten slightly colder today, and as me and Calum lie on the grass, on a large picnic rug, the warmth of his arms keeps me nice and warm. 

I fall asleep, in his arms, under the stars. 

I don't know if it's the way I feel around him, or what he does to me, but something makes me  forget everything when I'm with him. 

He melts away any sadness, any regret. He makes me completely forget about Hollie, and even Ashton. When I'm with Calum, I don't feel like 'Ashton Irwin's little sister'. When I'm with Calum, I know he likes me for me, and not for Ash. 

Whenever I lay my eyes on my boyfriend, my heart misses a beat and my breath catches in my throat. It's cliche, but true. 

Everyone's felt the feeling. The feeling of falling for someone. 

You can almost feel the admiration in your eyes as you look at them, and the slight change in your voice. 

When I wake up, I'm lying down again but this time, I'm in bed. I struggle to open my eyes, but my forehead is so freaking hot. When I finally let my eyes open, I instantly smile at the sight. Calum is hovering over me, his lips millimetres from my face. 

"Calum..." I breathe, moving my hand so it's cupping that back of his neck, pulling him closer to me. 

Our noses touch, and he lets out a low chuckle, his eyes smiling along with his mouth. 

"Yes Zoe?" He whispers, shifting his body so he has one leg on either side of me, his arms the same. 

"Kiss me." 

Our lips meet and move perfectly with each other. It's probably a little bit more intense than any of our other kisses, we're quickly getting closer and closer to each other, and the kiss is getting messier and much more heated. 

His hands run down my sides, mine hold his neck. His tongue fights it's way into my mouth, and I can't help but grin into him, which only encourages him more.  

He moves his mouth from mine, but only to place his lips on the skin of my neck. His kisses don't linger for too long, as we both know that neither of us can leave marks. 

His hands grip onto the hem of my top, and I lose enthusiasm a tiny bit. 

The feeling off his fingers against my skin feels amazing, but I don't want to go any further. 

"Calum," I sigh, quickly moving my hands so they're rested over his. "Calum... I'm sorry." 

He moves his hands and looks into my eyes, his own ones big and round and filled with innocence. He looks lost, and rejected, and I've never felt so sorry for someone in my life. 

"It's not your fault - I just," I shake my head and look away, wriggling into a seated position. 

"Zo, relax. We don't do anything you don't want to." He says quietly, sitting beside me and kissing my forehead. He seems so confused but really sympathetic, and it makes me love him even more. 

"Sorry." I whimper, resting my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes. "It's not that I don't want to, because I do, I..." I stop myself, shaking my head very slightly. "I'm sorry." 

"Stop apologising baby." He chuckles, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head. He keeps his lips there, humming against my skull. It's surprisingly relaxing, and makes me extremely sleepy. Stifling a yawn, I snuggle into his side and smile. 

***

"Hollie's been trying to speak to me again." I mumble to Luke that morning, as we make our way down  the street. 

The two of us had been chosen to make a trip to the supermarket, and we were taking our time doing it as to catch up without Ashton hanging around. 

"Yeah?" Luke prompts, glancing over his shoulder for what is probably the tenth time on the walk. 

"I don't know. I've kinda realised that I wanna try and balance her and Calum. I'm not ready to give up either of them. " I pause and glance at Luke to see his reaction. His face shows no emotion right now. "I mean, Hollie can be an extreme pain in the arse but she's always been my best friend. I don't really want to throw it all away just yet. I think, if I can make things work with her then I'll be 100% focused on Calum and me, although, there's still Ashton..." I'm rambling now, my walking pace picking up as we go past a group of paparazzi. 

Luke stays quiet until we've successfully made it away from the media, before speaking his opinion. "You're honestly gonna hate me for saying this." He chuckles. "I kind of understand why Hollie's mad. I know she's at fault for their breakup too, but Calum isn't completely guilt-free. I was there when he found out about her nudes, he was mad more than hurt, and I definitely don't think he needed to wait until Valentine's Day to dump her. In a way, he made her feel a false sense of security because she probably thought she would get away with what she did, so it probably hurt even more." 

We both stay quiet for a moment, until Luke continues speaking. 

"Don't tell Calum what I just told you, he'll think I'm trying to come in between you two. Zoe, I want you and Calum to work things out more than anyone else. I think you should just tell everyone. Ashton, Hollie, everyone. Keeping it a secret won't help." 

He has a point.   

"Basically, what I'm saying is, don't throw everything away with Hollie, work it out. At least try to." 

We turn the corner onto the supermarket parking lot, and Luke's words stick in my head. 

I'm not ready to tell everyone yet, but I'm definitely not ready to ruin anything either. 

***

It's about nine  when I get her call, I answer it - but I'm terrified. 

"Hollie?" I whisper, chewing on my fingernails nervously. 

"Don't sound so scared." She chuckles, but I'm not laughing. "I overreacted last time, but I saw pictures on Instagram of you two together again and I'm wondering if that means I don't mean anything anymore. To be honest, I don't think I can be friends with someone who doesn't care about how I feel." 

I can't help but roll my eyes. 

So much for not throwing it all away.