difficult | calum hood

23

The problem is fear. It stops everything. You have to fight your fear, learn to control it rather than letting it controlling you. 

Another problem is, I'm so fúcking terrified of being with Calum and everything that could go wrong, that I'm too scared to commit to our relationship. 

I'm scared that when Ashton finds out, he'll fall out with Cal and then the band will fall apart, and then all of their fans will hate me, and then it'll be too difficult for me and Calum to be together so we'll break up, then Hollie won't talk to me for obvious reasons, and then I'll have no one. 

I'm so terrified of this ending badly and everything going wrong, that I can't focus on what could go right. What if this doesn't end badly? What if it's all just right? 

The feeling of Calum's strong arms sliding around my waist sends shivers - good and bad - down my spine. It reminds me that at some point, I'll have to do something about us, but also, that he's here with me. 

His chin rests on my shoulder and he nuzzles his face into my neck. Leaving soft kisses on my skin, he reminds me how I feel around him. That I'm in love with him,  that I've loved him for years. 

"There's something bothering you," he observes. "Talk to me." He holds my waist with his large hands and spins me around to face him, leaning forward so our foreheads are rested on each other's. 

My fingers tingle as he takes my hands and intertwines our fingers, his calloused fingertips brushing over my knuckles and the backs of my hands. 

"I'm just scared." I whisper, squeezing his hands. "When you leave on tour, is it going to be twice as hard?" 

He stays silent, tilting my head up and letting his deep brown eyes meet mine. Sighing softly, he presses his lips to mine once and smiles shyly. "Probably. Twice as hard to say goodbye, twice as hard to live your normal life. But you know what? It'll be twice as amazing when we come back." 

He leaves a short pause so he can kiss me again, this time both of us smiling. 

"You can sleep every night knowing that I'm yours, and only yours. I can sleep knowing that every time I close my eyes, it's one sleep closer to being with you. Every night we preform, I'll be thinking of you. Every chance I get, I'll phone you." 

A smile creeps up my face, my eyes lighting up as he says these words. 

"But hey, baby, don't worry about all that, okay? The future - well, we'll solve that when we get to it. Right now, I just wanna be with you. Every problem has a solution, and I'm 100% certain we can figure them out." 

I smile at Calum, my eyes staring into his. 

Luke's words from a few weeks ago come flooding back to me, and  it's the perfect way to end Calum's speech and give me the motivation to do what I do next. 

You're allowed to like people, you're allowed to make mistakes, you're allowed to completely screw up, because you know what Zo? Everything always works itself out. If you fall out with someone and they leave your life, then maybe they were never supposed to be there. If you love someone you can't have, maybe you're supposed to bend the rules.

I crash my lips onto Calum's, holding the sides of his face. He immediately kisses back, his hands gripping my sides tightly. We kiss with so much passion, that I'm almost 100% certain we've finally made our decision. 

We're going to be together, even if the universe throws hell at us, we're going to stick together. 

And I love him for it. 

***

"I could kiss you forever," Cal whispers, pressing his lips to mine once more. We're lying in my bed, his body balanced above mine,  holding up his body weight with his hands which are rested by my shoulders. "Your lips are so soft." He continues. His lips meet mine once more and there's no way to describe the feeling that erupts in my stomach. "You have really pretty eyes. And your hair's so silky." His runs his fingers through the ends of my blonde hair and keeps his eyes locked with mine. 

Staying moderately quiet, I giggle softly and kiss him again, addicted to the feeling of his lips on mine. 

"Your smile is gorgeous. You know you practically light up when you're happy?" He continues with his complimenting words. A blush rises up my cheeks and I turn my head very slightly, and his lips come into contact with my cheek. "Aw, I want a real kiss." He whines, pouting at me and holding my face. He tilts my head back into the position it was before so our lips can meet, and this time I kiss backand keep the kiss going. 

His hands run down from my face to my sides, his fingers only lightly brushing over my skin. We keep our lips locked, moving lightly and softly with each other. 

But sadly, our perfect kiss is interrupted.

"Zoe! Dinner! Will you wake Luke and Calum up as well please?" Mum shouts up the stairs, and Calum smirks down at me, pecking my lips once more. 

"It's seems Calum never made it to his nap." A voice says from the doorway. 

Calum's smirk turns falls away, replaced with a look of sheer shock and fear. His eyes lock with mine and he slowly rolls his body from mine. 

Author: oops cal needs to be careful