difficult | calum hood

35

The next day, Ashton runs into my room and wakes me up, pulling the pillow out from under my head. Immediately, I scream and throw my arms out at him, hitting him in the face. "Ow!" He cries out, pushing me and covering his nose with his other hand. 

"Well don't wake me up like that then." I snap at him and push him off of my bed completely. 

"Why are you being like this?" Ash argues, still holding his nose. 

"Because I wanted my sleep, and I wanted a lie in. Leave me alone." I grab the cushion from the floor and rest my head on it again, closing my eyes tightly. 

Once again, that time of the month had rolled around. I swear, the weeks in between periods go faster than the ones spent in pain. 

"Whatever. There's breakfast downstairs when you want it." Ashton mutters and turns away, making his way to the door. 

"I don't want any of your breakfast." I say rudely, regretting it instantly. My brother looks at me in surprise and turns away, hiding the hurt on his face. I don't bother apologising, and just let him leave. 

When I wake up again, almost 3 hours later, my room's too hot and I can barely breathe. I'm quick to get dressed, before applying my makeup and grabbing my keys. When I'm downstairs, I stare at Ashton expectantly, raising my eyebrows. "Where's mum's car?" I ask sourly, waiting in the door frame. 

He ignores me, and Calum looks at me from the opposite side of the room. 

"Ashton!" I snap, biting my lip to stop myself from crying in frustration.  

Again, he ignores me, and Calum watches with confusion all over his face. My bottom lip wobbles as I hold back my tears, until I can't anymore and I'm sniffling pathetically. 

"What the hell Zoe?" Ash sighs, looking at me like he can't be bothered, which he probably can't. "What's wrong with you? You're the one who's being rude, you're the one-"

But he stops when he sees how much I'm crying. Hiding my face in my hands, I cry because Ashton won't answer my question, I cry because my stomach hurts, I cry because I'm being such a bitch, I cry because I'm being too melodramatic. 

Ashton sighs. "Mum took her car to the store." 

I nod slowly and close my eyes, lying on the couch beside Calum. "I just want to be alone." I whisper,  not loud enough for anyone to hear. Even though I say this, I don't mean it. Being around other people always distracts me from the cramps that arrive every month. 

Calum stays quiet, and the tension between us is unbearable. "You could've gone with her if had wanted." Ashton says, but I keep my eyes closed tightly. 

"I know." I whisper, and Calum stays quiet again. "I just..." I trail off and stare at up Calum, who tries to hide the smiles he sends me. 

"Whatever. I'm going to pick Luke and Michael up, either of you two coming?" Ash stands up and my eyes briefly meet Cal's. 

"I'll stay here, just in case they're already on their way back." Calum says, standing up and casually making his way to the kitchen to grab a slice of cold pizza.

"Zoe?" My brother asks, and I shake my head. 

"My vagina is bleeding." I state, and Calum almost choke on his pizza from laughing too much. Ashton however, screws up his face like its the worst thing he's ever been told. 

"Ew." He shakes his head and grabs his keys, heading out the door. "Bye then," he shuts the door behind him and Calum sits down opposite me, waiting for Ashton to drive away. 

Once he has, Calum's by my side, running his fingers through my hair and chattering away like an excited child. "I love you Zoe, you know. Like, I really love you." 

"I know." I sigh, leaning my head in his lap and closing my eyes. "Do you think our relationship will last?" 

My boyfriend seems taken aback by this question, as he stutters over his next few words and mumbles until he's found the correct ones. "Uh yeah, yeah, Zoe, I want it to." He kisses my forehead and looks into my eyes. 

"Me too. But what do we do about Ashton? When do we tell him? And how?" I babble, staring up at the ceiling while my eyes brim with tears again just at the idea of having to tell Ashton. 

"I'd like to tell him sooner rather than later. I think it's for the best." 

"Um okay?! Are you gonna ask me about this?" I jump up and look down at him, crossing my arms.

"What? Zo, you know I didn't mean it like that." Calum says calmly, holding his hand out to me. 

"No you can't just make these kind of decisions by yourself. That's the whole point of having these conversations. " I argue and Calum just stares at me in shock. He moves slowly towards me and wraps his arms around my waist but I push him away. "Whatever." I snap, closing my eyes and turning around.

"Zoe, stop. I love you." He grabs my hand and pulls me into his body. "I love you so much. We can tell whenever you want to." 

I relax into his hold and listen to his heartbeat. With his head rested on top of mine, we stay like this for a while. Eventually, Calum lets go and sits back down, and I climb into his lap and press a kiss to him softly. 

"I hate having to hide this. I just want to kiss you all the time, Calum. But I'm scared to tell Ashton because it might affect the band." Cal nods to my words and wraps his arms around me. 

"Why don't we make a date to tell him? That gives us time to prepare for it." Calum whispers, staring at the front window in case anyone comes home. 

"Mmm, yeah. When do you go back on tour?" I ask, not wanting the reminder of how close it is. I don't want the boys to leave again. 

"About a month." Cal says quietly, and I close my eyes and hold back the tears. 

"Ok. We'll tell him the day after your birthday." I pause. "So, next week." 

We both stay silent, not having to say any words. 

I don't know what he's thinking, but a part of me is worried that this means we only have one week left together.